Responding to Responsibility

I told my mom recently that I didn't like being a grown up because it meant that I had to be in charge of taking care of things, and I'd much rather be taken care of. I'd much rather have my mom and dad take care of my finances, dinner, handling my schedule, and calling the parents of kids who are mean to me.

I know, I'm dreaming.

But this transition from collegehood to adulthood is difficult, especially when I go from taking care of myself to taking care of others. My job requires me to constantly put my children first, which is hard when I'm used to working on my own agenda. But I do it.

And this benefit concert that I'm putting together is not just arranging my schedule, but juggling 7 other people's schedule, alone with a church, power point (oh crap, I forgot to write out the powerpoint), and adjusting based on their agendas. It sucks, but I do it.

I haven't felt very equipped for doing all of this. I don't feel like I'm very responsible, especially in moments where I realize I forgot to do something, or a schedule doesn't work out. I especially feel irresponsible when my reaction is to flip out, instead of handling it like an "adult" and calmly fixing the problem.

In short, I don't feel like I micromanage very well, and thus the whole future is going to fall apart, away from God's will, and I'm going to end up living in some van down by the river.

But then I recently started to wonder, "Am I making a bigger deal of this than necessary? I mean, what would Jesus do?" Or more accurately speaking, what does Jesus say?

Somewhere in the Bible is a verse that describes how we are responsible for the Lords' "revealed will." For the life of me I cannot find the specific verse, but I know it's there, because those words wrapped around my heart and haven't let go since.

So often I worry about marriage, money, jobs, and how my choices now will affect my future. But I am so focused on that future choice, that I forget where I am. For instance, I became obsessed on how I was going to be holy in a dating relationship. But I wasn't even dating anyone! I mean, it's good to think about it, but I was freaking out! Then the Holy Spirit whispered, "Elise, how will you remain holy now in your singleness? How will you be holy now in your job? In your friendships?"

Right now I'm planning for a benefit concert, and all my thoughts and energy are getting to that date. But then I forget that I have 40hr full time job that requires MORE of my attention. Not that it is bad to be planning ahead for my mission work, but I can't let it interfere with the revealed will of my current employment.

I guess the point of it all is this: we cannot attempt to be faithful with what we do not have when we are not faithful with what has already been given. It is a fruitless effort to try and control that which is not even in our hands yet.

Then again, we can't control it anyways...

How will I honor the Lord now? How will I serve him now? How will I be faithful now? These are the questions I need to be asking myself daily. And there are plenty of times to ask these questions.

Be responsible for what the Lord has shown you today. Then do the same when He shows you something new tomorrow.

Matthew 6:31-34, Amplified Version

Therefore do not worry and be anxious, saying, What are we going to have to eat? or, What are we going to have to drink? or, What are we going to have to wear?

For the Gentiles (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows well that you need them all.

But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.

So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.