Edge of Love

There is so much I could write, because so much is swarming in my head. It's been swarming like a monsoon for the past month, and perhaps without my knowing, grace has been falling like rain in that monsoon. But I'm still processing in my heart, so I won't even try to share all the nonsense until at least some sense is produced. I am conscious that the Lord is trying to bring me to a deeper level of dependency on Him. This is not easy for someone who has conditioned herself to funcion, fight, and survive on her own.

But I can share music. I love music. And I love when other have created art when they are brought to the point of articulation. So here is my soul sister, Mindy Smith, which gives me some answer as to where I am: on the edge of love, with so many objects of affection, but above all and I would not do without is my love for my Savior. That's how I interpret the song mostly. On the edge with butterflies in my stomach. That's all I can say.

The Edge of Love ~ Mindy Smith

The edge of love like a knife
shimmer shines when it hits the light
Just like that it'll change your life
And it makes time stand,
It makes time stand still

The edge of love here I stand
Feels like sky where there should be land
I wanna fly, wanna take your hand
Just let time,
Just let time stand still

The weather's fine, maybe I'm your leap of faith
I know it's right because you're my amazing grace
You make time stand still

The weather's fine, maybe I'm your leap of faith
I know it's right, you're my amazing grace
And you make time stand still

The edge of love, the only way
Just give it all for heaven's sake
And when we fall God will keep us safe
And that's when time stands
That's when time stands still

The Ice Storm

Sandy Carver: Where are you going?
Mikey Carver: Out.
Sandy Carver: Its freezing!
Mikey Carver: Yeah
Sandy Carver: Then why are you going?
Mikey Carver: When its freezing, Because it means the molecules aren't moving, so when you breath, theres nothing in the air, you know, you breath into your body, the molecules have stopped, its clean.

Indiana University (as well as all Indiana) has been hit with an ice storm, blizzard, whatever you want to call it. Basically, it's cold and icy. Frankly, it reminded me a lot of Pittsburgh. But the usual disgust toward slush and freezing rain was absent today. I was full of joy, full of the Lord's beauty of how He painted the trees with ice, coating them as if they were in a protective shield. It was absolutely breathtaking. Tall strong trees bended toward the ground with the weight of the ice. Newly growing branches could be snapped off like glass figurines. The surrounding life was fragile. And yet beautiful.

The conversation above is from the 1997 film, "The Ice Storm." I don't recommend seeing it, but I do love this quote. Mikey Carver loves the freezing weather because ultimately it is clean. I saw the trees as being preserved. When driving with a friend, I saw my church's entire parking lot covered with a blanket of snow, undisturbed until my friend and I went jeep sliding and made doughnuts. I even made a snow angel. It was like a Winter Wonderland, a habitat full of adventure. I honestly felt as if I could stay out all night, despite the freezing temperatures. I felt like a child again. I felt innocent again. I felt clean.

I am so thankful that the true cleanliness of Christ is not a feeling. That it does not only occur during certain seasons, or does not require snow days to be fully recognized. I am so thankful that we are white as snow even when under the blazing heat of shame, rebellion, disappointment, cynacism, doubt, and despair.

I am also thankful that being a Christian does not mean I am numb to the world. Mikey seems to suggest that the world is clean because nothing moves. No one to hurt you, nothing to feel, no suprises. But the cleanliness of the Lord does not create frozen chosen robots. We can dance and sing and throw snowballs and do doughnuts in a church parking lot. When I was washed white as snow, I became preserved in Christ, and alive in the Spirit. I know these metaphors are a dime a dozen, but my love for Jesus is worth every penny.