A Time and a Place

I love the Sunday comics. I don't read the paper much, but I love the comics. Occasionally, I think that the comics hold bits and pieces of profound truth, which says to me that I'm reading something worthwhile, even if its not the political section.

For example, this afternoon I was reading Peanuts. I'm not sure how it is still in circulation as the cartoonist passed away, but I don't loose sleep on it. Anyways, the setting was the typical baseball field, where Charlie pitches and his friends, usually Lucy, are in the outfield.

The first frame shows Lucy ignoring a pop-up, as it falls two inches away from her. Charlie marches over (or so I assume as its hard to see moving action in a frame-by-frame cartoon), and starts chewing her out because she didn't go for the ball. When he demands an answer, Lucy's response is simple: "I was having my quiet time."

Now, in the Christian circle. a quiet time is when we spend time alone with God, separating ourselves from distractions so we can focus solely on talking, meditating, and just "hanging out" with the Lord. I'm sure that Peanuts wasn't using the phrase, "quiet time" in the same way, but it made me think: do we as Christians ignore our responsibilities and justify that by saying, "We were having our quiet time."

More specifically, do we focus so much on our relationship with the Lord and ignore what's going on around us? Do we latch onto the truth that salvation comes from a personal choice to follow Christ, and ignore the equal truth that it should move us to action in our world?

For instance: the two greatest commandments are love God...and then love others. Jesus calls His disciples to Himself...and then calls them to go into the world.

I know I've been feeling like this for a while. I've been more concerned about finding fellowship than thinking that maybe there's some good I can do while I'm waiting. I'm not sure one is better than the other. In fact, I wonder if both are meaningless without the other. And by meaningless, I mean how can we love God and not show that love to others? And how can we love others in a tangible AND eternal ways when we are not in a relationship with the eternal Savior?

We cannot ignore social justice and loving others and justify it saying that we were too busy developing our relationship with the Lord. We also cannot devote our entire lives to social justice, and ignore our relationship with the Lover of the world.

That's what it means to be a Christian. That is how we sum up the law of the Prophets: Love God and love others. Jesus never said we had an option between the two.

A Circus Life - Oakmont

Last night was probably one of the greatest nights of my life. 6 of my friends drove from out of town to put on a benefit concert to raise money for the mission trip I'll be embarking this coming September. Not only that, but 110 people came to the sanctuary to hear the music, to support the mission, and to worship God thru the talents the Lord gave us.

It was also one of the most overwhelming events I've ever experienced...not because it was busy. But because of what it all meant to me afterwards.

I have been so desperate (yes...desperate) for friendship, fellowship, any-ship the past week, that every day I was thinking, "Oh my gosh, my friends are seriously driving into town!" At 5am, Jonathan arrived, and an hour later, the rest (Jeremy, Chris, Aaron, Carrie, Greg) followed suit. I was elated to see them pile out of the car. I'm pretty sure Chris said, "Don't be so cheery." We sat down and ate breakfast, carrying on in delusional conversation, most of which centered around Granny Lisben and sounds coming from the ketchup bottle.

As they were sitting around rehashing road trip stories, all I could do was just soak up every minute of being with them. I couldn't believe that they took 24 hours from their hectic lives(returning from Ghana, a orchestra concert, driving from Kentucky, and others) and come and play music...for free. For friendship. For their artistic selves. For God. For me. I'm sitting on my back porch right, really sad that only 18 hours before they filled these (once again) empty chairs. As I told my mom, I don't miss Bloomington. But man, I miss them so much.

We got to the church, and our worship leader Chad helped set everything up. My parents and sister and kids were running around, picking up doughnuts, setting up merchandise, distributing pledge cards, and finding the "perfect" spot for balloons. For a moment, I felt like the Carter Family band. All of my family was involved, and for nothing in return. I wasn't paying them. I wasn't begging them. I told them they didn't have to do it. But they did. For family. For God. For me. I have never been so appreciative of my family, so cognizant of how blessed I am to have their love and support. Again, overwhelmed.

The shows started at 7:40. We wanted to make sure the stragglers didn't miss the first song :) We came out on stage, and people started clapping. We hadn't even begun playing. I guess they were clapping because of what we were about to play. I dunno.

As I sang the first song, I started noticing faces: Mr and Mrs. Ostrowski, Barb, the Anstis family, Michael and Cindy. When we started "Circus Life" I had to fight back tears. These people, 110 in all, came to hear us. I know this sounds stupid, but it's different playing for peers than adults. I mean, friends support eachother, but adults have lives! They could have done anything that night. They didn't know the band, but they came to hear us. They didn't even have to pay to come. But they did. For music. For God. For worship. For me. Again...overwhelmed.

The concert ended at 10pm. Some of us went swimming, but most went to sleep because of their early drive. Chris and I had a great conversation by the pool. I've always loved him, purely as a brother from another mother. I hope he has some understanding of how much his friendship meant and still means to me, even when we don't talk for extended periods of time. I talked to a girl I used to "mentor" in high school. She's now married to a pastor, another guy I went to school with. It was "interesting" sitting with her again, just because we've changed so much. Growing up is just interesting in general :)

After everyone was asleep, my mom and sat and tallied the support. When we came to the final total, I just burst out crying. Yes...I, Elise Hindmarsh, allowed myself to cry. I couldn't hold it in anymore. The amount of support (both financially and in love) overwhelmed me. My friends drove from three different states to play with me again. My family worked really hard in prep stuff so I could focus on the music aspects. And people actually came to a concert. People paid to hear our music, in donations. People bought the CDs. People wanted us to go on tour, haha. People said they'd pray for me. And no one was forced. No one was guilted. No one was paid. And all of that, combined, made me feel something I haven't felt in a while...

I felt worth it. I felt worth someone's time. I felt worth someone's friendship. I felt my music was worth something to someone. People didn't just come, they worshipped. They didn't just say good job; they looked me in the eye and said they were blessed. My friends didn't just drive in, play and drive out. They laughed with me, talked with me, told me they enjoyed the concert, even when the "agenda" was over. I'm not sure if they know how much those interactions, above the music, meant to me. Especially when I felt I could offer so little in return.

Friday meant a lot more than music. Friday was one of the greatest forms of human love I have ever encountered. I hope that I have been able to express that adequately.

Thanks.

Lonely Nights

The transition back to Oakmont has gone fairly well. But, as to be expected, there have been a few drawbacks.

One, I don't have 3 wonderful roommates that keep me entertained (or should I say, I keep entertained). Basically, I've found myself glued to my computer awaiting a friend to pop onto Skype, Facebook, or send me an email. It's a longing for connection. And probably Connexion as well.

Two, I'm starting to deal with my insomnia again. I can't fall asleep until about 1-2am, and I wake up repeatedly thru the night. That's always annoying, because then I don't actually get out of bed until noon, and I'm exhausted.

Three, I'm having anxiety dreams. Two nights ago, I dreamt that I was on my DTS, but it was set like the Real World, and all the girls hated me, got drunk, and then one made out with my dad. Then I grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against the wall, only to realize that this was all on camera (it was the Real World-DTS I guess), and that I was being a bad witness. Then, last night, I had a dream that I was hallucinating visions of our family friend who just recently passed away. I dreamt that I was having conversations with him, while I knew in the dream he was dead.

Fourth, I'm having trouble praying. I'm so busy "doing" that I don't stop and pray for direction. I suppose this is because I feel I already have my direction. But how often should a Christian pray for direction? When do we know that our wisdom and understanding is from Jesus and not our own? If I feel distant from the Lord, is that just because I'm used to being continuously surrounded by Christians, or that I really am distant from God? If it's only because I'm not in my Christian group now, does that mean that I rely on them too much for my relationship with God?

Ugh, so many questions. Maybe I should just lay in bed and just be still...and wait...and hope to either hear God speak or fall asleep. Does that sound sad?

Crowded in the Closet

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen...

I sat with an old friend at Denny's tonight (do I really have old friends at 23?). He caught me up on the current lives of the crowd we used to run with in early high school. Maybe it was gossip, I dunno. But story after story revealed how far we've all fallen. Ugh, that's a horrible way to say it. The stories I heard showed me how messed up our lives have the potential of becoming. And it's not isolated to certain "stereotypes" we saw in high school.

These are my friends from when we were supposed to be innocent, when the world was at our fingertips, and we all had huge dreams of fantastic things that probably would never be accomplished, and yet should have been enough to have us going someplace. Aim for the moon and if you miss, you'll hit the stars, right? No one suggests that you might fall down with them...

Was the conversation sad? Yes. Were the stories upsetting? But it made me hopeful to see that both of us, who have our fair share of demons to fight, are fighting. That some of us have made it through hell, and are trying in grace to stay out of it. And that either hearing or being a part of those stories, we still love the people in them. Not pity. I love them because I was them 8 years ago, and I am them now. We are no different, except for what we choose to settle for.

So it only seems appropriate that I share with all of you my most recent song. Jesus said that when we pray, we are to go in our rooms, or as some say, prayer closets. I have a lot of praying to do. I have to pray for myself, for my friends, for this screwed up world which honestly sucks sometimes. And guess what? We're not alone, whether we're the one praying or being prayed for. There are plenty of other people who are in the same boat...or closet. Pick whatever illustration you want.

Oh and I say this with as much pleading as a person can on a blog: do not be the friend who 8 years from now, your friends ask, "What happened....?" Fight it. Fight the complacency, the abuse, the crap that all the after school specials talked about. It's not worth it, and you are worth more. It will catch up with you, as it caught up with all of us. Shoot for the moon, and for Christ's sake (literally), get there. Just get there.

Crowded in the Closet
close the door, it's time to hide
come and seek and you will find
you're not the only one inside
it's awfully crowded
it's awfully crowded in the
it's awfully crowded in the closet

saints and sinners, lovers, whores
broken, prostrate on the floor
dust and ashes, garmets torn
it's awfully crowded
it's awfully crowded in the
it's awfully crowded in the closet

found yourself too far from home
wandering for a place to go
feeling lost, betrayed, alone
oh, we're not alone
it's awfully crowded
it's awfully crowded in the
it's awfully crowded in the closet