Follow Thru - New Song

I wrote this after thinking about ways in which I want to be in relationship with people. After "finishing the song" I felt something was missing, and added the third line in the chorus. I dedicate this song as a prayer for missionaries, whether by title or in heart, as an encouragement to follow through in relationships with people, especially with those who are harder to relate for whatever reason. To love someone may be a decision, but I believe it should develop into a heart condition. Never give up hope that you can learn love someone well.

I hope I never presume
to understand the things I know so little
but I hope that what I do know I will not hide
believing it might be too big for you to handle

I hope that I encourage
lift you up with what I say and do
and leave you with a better peace of mind
and be incarnate of a balanced love and truth

i may not understand you
but I hope you help me to
and maybe the heart will follow thru
but if my ignorance becomes me
please forgive me
I’m learning, too

I want to learn to say I’m sorry
when I offend my fellow man
I confess that most of this my pride
sometimes it’s easier to take someone down than to stand

I want to think for myself
without ignoring sound advice
and love those who loved me enough to get in my way
without them I wouldn’t be half as wise

i may not understand you
but I hope you help me to
and maybe the heart will follow thru
but if my ignorance becomes me
please forgive me
I’m learning, too

There are places I remember...

There are place I remember all my life, though some have changed. And I have changed. It's a good Beatles song, but one line is all too true for me:

And these mem'ries lose their meaning when I think of love as something new.

As a resident nomad, I have been blessed to have built community wherever I've been, though it be painful and at times heartwrentching. But just like the model airplane or Barbie doll house that was once such a part of my growth, I grow older and set these communities on a shelf. Occasionally I see the faces and smiles, and the echos of laughter. But as time passes, the echoes get softer and the faces are more blurred as they collect dust. And as I play in my new community, the past becomes that...the past...and I rarely look back, or desire to return.

I am a compartmentalizer. Each season of my life does not flow into the next, but is boxed up like spring cleaning. "Oh, that was the friendships of '06. Kind of out of style now." I think it's easier for me to deal with the pain of the loss, by compartmentalizing. If these friendships or community was only meant for THAT period of time, then it would be unnecessary to still feel an attachment during THIS period of time.

I think I'm flawed in this thinking, to an extent. Friendships do come and go, communities as well. However, I completely cut the strings. Not maliciously, but as a way to fully invest in what is before me. I think I'm wrong.

Jesus knew what this was like. His community so to speak was the 12 disciples. They went with him everywhere. And as the time with this community was coming to a close, He prayed to the Father, "Now I am departing the world; I am leavning them behind and coming to you. Holy Father, keep them and care for them - all those you have given me - so they will be united just as we are...Father I want these whom you've given me to be with me, so they can see my glory." (John 17:11,24, NLT)

I think my prayers have been different: "Father, I'm leaving (insert city here). I'm moving on to the next place You've called me to go. Father, keep them and care for them - all those You've given to me as a community. I'm sure I'll see them later, but if that doesn't happen, I wish them the best and wash my hands of it."

I want to learn how to continue to love from a distance. That it's okay to miss a community of people, and that doesn't make me ungrateful for where the Lord has me. I miss my community in Bloomington, the people of YWAM Pursuits, and I love the growing community of Pittsburgh. There's a place in my heart for all. And maybe not in a compartmental way, but in a shared appreciation. And if that means I physically feel the loss of proximity (as I am starting to feel now), that's okay. It does not make my ungrateful for what I have. The pain recognizes that it was good, and when good things go, there's a sadness. I guess that's a normal chain reaction that I don't allow myself to feel for long.

The Beatles end their song saying, "I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them..." In my life, I'll love them all.