Facebook redeemed...again

I swear my relationship with Facebook is a fickle one. For the past month or so, I had sworn off the webpage due to my inability to use it wisely...yes, I got sucked into stalker-like qualities. Of no one in particular, but the incessant checking of friends' pages was taking up more time than was God glorifying.

I was happy. It felt like chains were removed and I became much more productive.

Two evenings ago I was showing my IU friends my "past life," that of a diva thesbian bent on the pursual of Broadway stardom. It was my Interlochen portfolio. As we turned thru the pages, I told story after story as if I had just witnessed each occasion. Faces were completely recognizable. I remembered names I haven't spoken in years (almost 7 to be exact). My heart longed for these people as a lost family.

So, yeah the dream: Our family was reunited. We met together as a "Bring in the Morning" reunion. Jacob, Elan, Ethan, Mark, Amy, Mel, Ben, Will, Todd, Kyle...there was 20 of us, but perhaps 5 or 6 could not make it. We didn't do a reprise of our beloved musical, but just caught up. Some were married, some were still in college, some were trying to make it on the Broadway stage. It was amazing. I'm pretty sure I cried, but I know I at least squealed with joy. I guess I haven't changed much from when I was 15.

I woke up, and knew I had to get in touch with these friends. How....facebook. *sigh* Here we go again. I prepared for the messages of "WTF, mate?" on my return (I got about 3 of them so far), and started the search. I whipped out the old cast program and went down the list. Praise the Lord, I found about 80% of them. Holy cow, how some have changed. So many of them are pursuing theater or singing careers. It was nice to see their passion was not a middle school fantasy. One by one a friend request was sent out, and one by one, they responded. Some with disbelief, some with excitement, and some with no response at all haha. And with each friend request was sent a event request: Will you come to Interlochen August 3rd for a troupe reunion?

I hope that each one will remember our family and make their way to Interlochen this summer. To see all of them would be a dream come true. Literally.

Bring in the morning
Bring me my share
Bring in the morning...

...I'll be there

Eggshells and Jedi

Nothing in this world it seems can sweep me off my feet
Everythings amazing, but only in theory
Someone help me cause Im losing it quietly

Thats just the problem with me these days
Im walking on eggshells
Nothing ever goes wrong and nothing ever goes right
I dont know how to get help
And everything is perfect
But nothing ever moves me
Nothing ever goes wrong and nothing ever goes right
Give me feathers or give me nails
Im walking on eggshells

You might be the one for me but I will never know
I cant fall in love if I've fallen asleep
Will I ever wake up?

The author of this song (Landon Pigg) is reading my heart. It's the dichotomy of Christian knowing and feeling. Everything the Spirit holds, all the truth in the Bible, the beauty of God, it is all amazing. But lately it has only been a theory. It has been a hope and aspiration, not a daily experience. I have felt it before, but it flees. C.S Lewis described this as the downfall to joy: that once you have felt it, you are never satisfied until you can find it again. And in response, you search around endlessly for something that will make the joy return. Thus, I can fall prey to falling in love to what is right in front of me. Placing my hope in something visible as my impatience takes over.

I guess that is why Christians are called to hope for what we do not see. The coming of Christ, the full and active reign of the Lord, and joy that never fades.

I watched Star Wars Episode III this afternoon. No way is the Force an allegory for Christ's power to his people, but the good vs. evil theme ultimately draws parallels. In one scene, Anakin is talking to Yoda about his premonitions of Padme's death. I felt the Lord speaking directly to me in Yoda's response:

Yoda: Careful you must be when sensing the future Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.
Anakin Skywalker: I won't let these visions come true, Master Yoda.
Yoda: Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is.
Anakin Skywalker: What must I do, Master Yoda?
Yoda: Train yourself to let go... of everything you fear to lose.

I am afraid to lose certain dreams, yet the Lord calls me to relinquish these dreams to Him. It is not a detachment in the sense of Buddism or mysticism, but relinquishing control to the Ruler of the Universe, and holding onto Him at the deepest level. I have to train myself in godliness, in Him, and in a sense, train myself to let go of everything I fear to lose. That which I fear to lose, so much as to reject my Father, is an idol. An adulterous, idolatrous whore. That is the identity from which Jesus Christ saved me. Will I allow my fear to turn me to the dark side?

Will I ever wake up to feel the joy of Christ? Yes. But this season is of discipline. Am I willing to let go of that which I fear to lose in order to overcome the fear of losing?

Its time to stop walking on eggshells and just take the step.

*crunch*