Cast me Gently

More and more I am discovering that I am a woman of big heart and little faith.

Ever so more I am discovering the Lord is a God of unprecidented patience, unfathomable faithfulness, immeasurable glory, and impenetrable power.

My anthem of the day is by Sarah McLachlan. When I first heard this, I knew it was a common conversation between me and the Lord. Well, let me rephrase it: it is how I wish my conversations were. Him speaking, and me responding. Most of the time it is me venting and Him listening (praise Him for that). Yet why do I feel that my words are more important that His? Where is the humility in that? How does one approach a Deity with informatility and still protect the Sacred? (check out Tremble by Nicole Nordeman)

I'm not sure if Ms. McLachlan meant this song to be read this way, but there is no doubt in my mind it is how the Lord wants me to be with Him: humble, waiting, confident, and assurred of Him and His promises.


I can hear him whisper, "Let me speak...I have so much to say."

Answer ~ Sarah McLachlan

Him:
I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can’t look down

Me: If it takes my whole life
Him: (I won’t break, I won’t bend)
Me: It will all be worth it
Him: (Worth it in the end)
Me: Cause I can only tell You what I know
That I need You in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You’ll still be burning so bright

Me:
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
Place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight

If it takes my whole life
(I won’t break, I won’t bend)
It will all be worth it
(Worth it in the end)
‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all burned out
You’ll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind

What I am thinking...

"Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, to those who reside as aliens, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Capperdocia, Asia, and Blithynia, who are chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, by the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to obey Jesus Christ and be sprinkled with His blood: may grace and peace be yours in the fullest measure. Blessed be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance that is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved for us in heaven, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed at the last time." ~ 1 Peter 1:1-5

"For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Isreal, has said, 'In repentence and rest you will be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength." ~ Isaiah 30:15

"Maybe knowledge is the downfall." ~ Matt Angel

"Life really isn't as complicated as I make it. It's never easy, but not really all that complicated. If there is any complication, it must lie within myself, because I can't even make this sentence simple." ~ Me


Be still...and know I am God. ~ Adonai

Red Sky at Morning

Ever heard the phrase, "Red sky at night, sailors' delight; red sky at morning, sailors take warning?" Well, Jesus apparently knew it back 2000+ years ago (see Matthew 16:3). It's 9:20am, and I think I see a red sky. Okay, metaphorically speaking. So I should take warning. A storm might be coming. But I shouldn't be anxious or worried.

Right.

Anxiety and worry are two issues Jesus addresses in Matthew 6. My pastor suggests that anxiety and worry are founded in a lack of faith, and to lack faith in Jesus is sin. That was harsh when I heard that, especially as I have a lot of puzzel pieces missing regarding my life. Or at least they're invisible to me right now.

But I have been mulling over the idea of storms and faith, and the following verses have helped me find rest in Jesus amid the storm. So here they are. Be encouraged, and remember: The Lord is like Allstate: You're in good hands :)

THE STORM
Then he [Jesus] got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. (Matthew 8:23-4)

THE REACTION
The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" (Matt. 8:25)

JESUS' ACTIONS
And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Hush, be still." And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm. (Mark 4:39)

JESUS' PROMISE
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell--and great was its fall." (Matthew 7:24-27)

JESUS' QUESTION FOR US
He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" (Mark 4:40)

If Today is called Today

"But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. " ~ Hebrews 3:13

The following is a conversation I had with my friend Halle, whom I met 3 years ago as counselors at Interlochen Arts Camp. God, I am so thankful for her.

Spiffy H T: sorry I'm a bum and I JUST got your message...well, maybe not a bum, but I thought I lost my phone, didn't really look for it, and then just found it in my bag
Spiffy H T: did you need to talk, though?
skitzodiva121: i'm okay now...i mean i'd love to talk :-)
skitzodiva121: but not now...i still have 30 pages to read and a response to get in, and i gotta work at....6am tomorrow
Spiffy H T: ew....wow...well, good luck with that...I'll pray for you and I'd love to talk soon and hear what's up Spiffy H T: sorry I wasn't here for ya today like you were for me the other night
Spiffy H T: and thanks again for that
Spiffy H T: things have gotten better in general
Spiffy H T: mwa
skitzodiva121: good :-)
skitzodiva121: specifically, if you could pray that the Lord would give me a humble and accurate perception of my growth when it comes to female relationships
skitzodiva121: i've felt very defeated due to an email i recieved today
Spiffy H T: ok, I will pray and you can elaborate if you choose when you don't have so much work and an early wake-up time!
skitzodiva121: well i can now
Spiffy H T: and w/o knowing anything about the situation really, I'd just like to say that you're doing pretty well in THIS female relationship
skitzodiva121: screw homework
skitzodiva121: :-)
Spiffy H T: you sure?
skitzodiva121: yeah i need a break
Spiffy H T: ok
skitzodiva121: i sent my friend an email asking if he was okay because he didn't seem like himself, but he was fine (good)...in his response he asked if i had female friends that i could talk deep spiritual things with because he got a vibe that i held onto male friends more easily than female
skitzodiva121: i know that this has been like a theme in my life, and osmething that i have beent rying to break, but the fact that he picked up on it made me think i'm not doing enough
Spiffy H T: well, what do you feel like you've been "doing" to change it?
Spiffy H T: (that you're not doing "enough"?)
Spiffy H T: (if that's true)
skitzodiva121: like...i don't have big girls group over, and i really don't feel like having big groups of girls over because it just feels so superficial
skitzodiva121: i feel like me inviting girls over is ingenuine, because i really don't want to do it, but then i feel like i have to because it's the "christian female" thing to do
Spiffy H T: what about a few or one other girl? does that still feel superficial
skitzodiva121: i look around at my other girl friends, and they have REALLY close girl friends that they do everything with, and then there's me, and all my close girlfriends are far away (like you, my friend sarah in PA, and malia whom i never see anymore)
skitzodiva121: i just feel like it's not enough to people, like i'm lacking
skitzodiva121: i don't know if i have an accurate perspective, or if the one i have now is just a way to avoid stepping deep into girl-ness
skitzodiva121: i mean, i feel so comfortable coming to you with questions and talking about God's lessons, but i wonder if that would c hange if you were closer
Spiffy H T: hm, that's an interesting question
skitzodiva121: it seems like i'm just used to having distant females as best friends, so that's what i do
Spiffy H T: what do you think about the question I posed above about having a few or one friend over?
skitzodiva121: i have done that
skitzodiva121: i'm not opposed to that
Spiffy H T: and are those times ever "deep" times?
skitzodiva121: i don't know if his words were a reminder from God to keep growing in this area or a criticism that i'm not growing enough
skitzodiva121: they could be deeper
skitzodiva121: they never seem to reach the theological discussions that i thrive on with guys or that you and i used to have
Spiffy H T: well, even if he meant them as a criticism, I feel like your response can only be to grow more...b/c responding to criticism by just feeling bad about what you're not won't help you any
skitzodiva121: yeah
Spiffy H T: but I know what you mean about wanting to know his motivation
Spiffy H T: esp. if he's someone whose opinions you value
skitzodiva121: i do
skitzodiva121: he said that it was out of love, and he's been very encouraging to me
Spiffy H T: relationships are hard b/c on one hand, yes, we can work to cultivate them....but on the other, they just tend to develop
Spiffy H T: so it's sorta hard to know what you can do to pursue those
skitzodiva121: and i've asked him to encourage me in my pursuit to mature as a woman of Christ
skitzodiva121: (that was because he did something that really shut me down in that pursuit and i had to admonish him on it)
Spiffy H T: one thing I've noticed about Christian guys (the winners) is that they seem to thrive on challenge and like to challenge others...which sometimes women (in general) don't feel as comfortable doing
Spiffy H T: maybe you're the kind of person who really needs that in relationships...and so guys who provide it are more attractive than waiting around to try to find girls who do
skitzodiva121: yeah...that's true
Spiffy H T: but then the whole fact that you're a girl and need other women to share the deeper stuff with (that wouldn't be appropriate in a guy-girl friendship) makes it hard
skitzodiva121: i guess that's why when i do talk to girls with deep stuff, it's all on relationships
skitzodiva121: because i've found guys who will push me on the other stuff
Spiffy H T: makes sense
skitzodiva121: so the girls hear all the boy stuff, and they get annoyed because that's all they hear, but it's because all the other deep stuff is satisifed in my relationships with my brothers
skitzodiva121: maybe is hould join a nunnery for a year...then i'd have no choice
Spiffy H T: haha...not a good plan (-; "These abbey walls were not built to shut out your problems. You have to face them." but I think one way of looking at it that may help is that by seeking out girls who can challenge you in a similar way to the guys will actually challenge those girls to step up and fill that role
Spiffy H T: sorry...that made a lot more sense in my head
skitzodiva121: haha
Spiffy H T: did you follow it at all?
skitzodiva121: i think so
Spiffy H T: (i.e. it'll be good for them, too)
skitzodiva121: haha
Spiffy H T: but I DO think you need it
Spiffy H T: not being around you, I can't really know more than you're telling me
Spiffy H T: I don't see how you interact with the women in your life
skitzodiva121: it's been a lot better than the past...like a lto better
Spiffy H T: but I do think that if all I ever talked about with someone were relationships, I'd get a bit tired, too
skitzodiva121: i'm just so used to guys leading me spiritually and me growing from that that i dont' want to risk the let down that i experienced in the past
Spiffy H T: and wonder if there was more to the person
Spiffy H T: (which there definitely is with you)
Spiffy H T: maybe even if you just start with a relatively safe thing like sharing something cool God has taught you in the Word with another woman and asking her the same question, it might get things rolling
Spiffy H T: I, for one, love hearing your Scriptural comments
Spiffy H T: like the loaves story you shared the other night
Spiffy H T: I never thought of it from the standpoint of God more than satisfying our hunger
Spiffy H T: with something we never thought could satisfy at all
skitzodiva121: hmm
skitzodiva121: hahah
skitzodiva121: you're funny...and God is funny in the way he just used you
Spiffy H T: ??
skitzodiva121: maybe women are my next meal of loaves
skitzodiva121: relationshps with women i mean
Spiffy H T: perhaps...but don't become a vampire on me now
skitzodiva121: LOL
Spiffy H T: (sorry, just read Dracula for my Gothic Lit class)
Spiffy H T: it's funny when your own words to someone else come back to teach you
skitzodiva121: what i mean is, maybe i doubt that relationships with women can be as satisfying as spiritual relationships wiht men, but i just gotta take the risk with one or two and he'll multiply the results
Spiffy H T: I totally agree!
Spiffy H T: give God's meal plan a try
skitzodiva121: hahhaa
skitzodiva121: you know our conversation is going on my blog
Spiffy H T: haha...oh ok
skitzodiva121: people should see what Christian fellowship is all about
skitzodiva121: and plus then i can be reminded to
skitzodiva121: *too
Spiffy H T: now you've got me thinking about what things I think won't satisfy in my life
skitzodiva121: so now is your time to say something really spiritual for the webworld to see
Spiffy H T: no noskitzodiva121: haha, just kidding...blogs are creepy sometimes
skitzodiva121: yeah no doubt
Spiffy H T: although I do like reading your comments
Spiffy H T: blood stains, huh?
skitzodiva121: oh yeah
Spiffy H T: didn't realize that
skitzodiva121: if you ever watch law and order, they always catch the killer due to the florescent light they shine on the room and see the blood stains
skitzodiva121: its freaking awesome
Spiffy H T: blood is also cool in Leviticus 17:11
skitzodiva121: LOL
skitzodiva121: why is it cool?
Spiffy H T: I'm reading Leviticus now...although I'm really only in chapter 4
Spiffy H T: the verse is "For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes atonement for one's life"...I just found it incredible that way back in the Law, blood was THE thing that brought redemption
Spiffy H T: and another side blood-y note
Spiffy H T: I think it's pretty ironic that in Matt. 27:25, after Pilate washes his hands and says the death of Christ isn't his responsibility
Spiffy H T: the people say "Let his blood be on us and on our children."
skitzodiva121: woah
skitzodiva121: and Jesus was thinking, THAT'S THE POINT
Spiffy H T: they, of course, didn't mean it in the way we think about it, but YEP!
Spiffy H T: hehe Scripture
skitzodiva121: i lvoe how the Lord connects teh Old to the New Testament
Spiffy H T: God's so crafty
skitzodiva121: yeah ;-)
Spiffy H T: (I chuckle to myself)
skitzodiva121: heheh
skitzodiva121: well, babe, i should probably get going
skitzodiva121: those 30 pages and response are a-callin'
Spiffy H T: me too...thanks for continuing to be amazing
skitzodiva121: thanks for talkign tome so late
Spiffy H T: and let me know how loving those women goes
skitzodiva121: i will
Spiffy H T: cuz that's what you'll be doing
Spiffy H T: mwa
skitzodiva121: muah!

Cleansed by a King

Teacher, Lord, what have you done for me
to wash the parts of me that were the most unclean?
Teacher, Lord what else can I do
than bow and worship You?
No one is greater than You.

Tonight at Connexion (Evangelical Community Church's college service), Pastor Bob talked about the paradoxical and unpredictable life of following Christ. The Scripture reference he used was when Jesus washes the feet of the disciples. I could go into the whole sermon, but the Lord was making connections elsewhere in the Bible that just blew me away. He's been doing that a lot lately :) So here's the breakdown:

"It is He who comes after me, the thong of whose sandal I am not worthy to untie." (John 1:27)

"On the next day the large crowd who had come to the feast, when they heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem, took the branches of the palm trees and went out to meet Him, and began to shout, "Hosanna! BLESSED IS HE WHO COMES IN THE NAME OF THE LORD, even the King of Israel." (John 12:12-13)

"So when He had washed their feet, and taken His garments and reclined at the table again, He said to them, "Do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. (John 13:12-14)

So here's the breakdown: The first verse is spoken by John the Baptist, explaining that he is unworthy to untie the sandal of the Messiah. As I understand it, it was the lowest servants job to touch the feet of their Master, to wash all the crap and filth before entering the house (they didn't have Nike or Reebok back then). Then we see the people of Jerusalem creating this huge procession for Jesus, calling Him the King of Israel. Then we see Jesus washing the feet of His disciples.

This is what blew me away: The One whose feet we're unworthy to wash is washing our feet.

Jesus Christ, King of the Jews and Gentiles and whole world, deserving of all glory, honor, and praise, whom deserves all of our hearts, mind, and body, attention and focus, actions and pursuit, is taking on the role of the LOWEST servant, and washing the most unclean part of someone's body in that time. I cannot help but worship this paradox.

The paradox is furthur solidified in the Crucifixion. Jesus Christ is subjected to the most humiliating and mortifiying death. He is killed with theives and murderers, yet the blood from His death gives us victory over death. The blood pouring from His body because of man's sin cleanses us from our filthiest sin, making us without sin in the eyes of the Lord. Or as the Holy Bible says, "Just think how much more the blood of Christ will purify our consciences from sinful deeds so that we can worship the living God. For by the power of the eternal Spirit, Christ offered himself to God as a perfect sacrifice for our sins." (Hebrews 9:14)

Oh and something else I just thought of: Blood stains. It STAINS, and you can't get it out. Even if you bleach it where you can't see it anymore, the stain is still there. So if you have been washed by the blood of Christ, where sin once stained you, the blood of Jesus now stains you. Nothing will take it away. I knew my obsession with Law and Order: SVU would furthur the kingdom eventually.

He washed our feet. He washes our conscience. He washes our hearts.

How can anyone not love this King?

I blame you

The title of this blog is not an accusation. It is a confession.

I confess to all of you that most likely, at some point in my life, I have blamed you for something. Please forgive me. Instead of blaming you, I should have considered my part in the event. Even if I had no control, blaming you does nothing.

Realize this: Blame does nothing. Unless you count hurting people as something.

So, why the confession, Elise? It started with an attempt to be funny with an away message. I started writing about how my eating habits have been mirroring that of a soup kitchen, and that I blamed Kroger for not having more variety of sales to fit my college budget. And then, just before pressing okay, I realize how stupid I was being. I'm MAD that I'm eating soup everyday? I'm MAD that I have the option to eat, to buy, the freedom to choose, and the budget to allow for at least 3 meals a day, even if I don't take the opportunity to do so?

This isn't supposed to be a political blog, but I think American's complain a lot. We're used to having so much that we complain when even the slighest thing is taken away. It's like an only child who suddenly has to share a living space, the rich kid who suddenly has to take out the trash, or any other variety of analogies. Being spoiled will result in you being spoiled. Did that make sense?

I'm reading a book called, "Ruthless Trust" and the chapter I just started talks about gratitude. A life of faith in Christ is a life of gratitude: thankfulness for our conditions, even when our conditions are the most heavenly (which make sense considering we're not in heaven). This is kind of hard for me, because I often see God as holding out on me when I don't get something my way. Honestly, I can be such a spoiled brat. So I've been praying to see the blessings of the Lord. And even after a day, I cannot tell you what has captured my attention. I'll list just a few:

the smell of coffee
the excitement of seeing Irish breakfast teat
24 hour supermarkets
the rain, for both vegetation and romantic effects
instant messenger for keeing in touch with friends
big bear hugs
being wisked off my feet
giant bear hugs
really tall people
really honest people
really patient people
A faithful God
a loving God
a providing God
a neverchanging always honest God
a pastor who doesn't mind my three point questions
the people who recorded the Bible
Messianic Jews
Non-messianic Jews
memories
a warm house, even when it's too warm

Okay, that's nowhere near good for now, but it'll have to do. I encourage all of you to take one day and consider all the blessings you have, and even consider the screwed up circumstances as blessings. The Lord has this very moment as a reason, and if it wasn't serving His purpose, He'd change it. I truely believe that. So consider what the purpose of your situation is: to praise? to pray? to forgive? to learn? or maybe just to smile?

Oh I am so thankful for smiles. I can think of a few of my favorites.

And suddenly, there is no one left to blame.

Ruthless Trust

A man had set up a tight-rope stretching from the tallest buildings in Pittsburgh. He said to a stranger, "Hi, I am a tight rope walker. Do you think I can walk this tight-rope, from this building to the other and back?" The stranger said sure, and sure enough, the man walked from the first building to the other and back.

The stranger called his brother to come see the tightrope walker. Then the man said to them, "Do you think I can do this walking backwards?" The brothers shook their heads, but watched in awe as the man walked to and from the building backwards.

The brothers then called their friends about this crazy guy on a rope. Then the man said, "Do you think I can do this with my eyes closed, walking backwars, and my hands tied behind my back?" The crowd shouted, YES!! And the man did: to and from the towers, hands tied, eyes blind, walking backwards.

Then the man said to the crowd, "Do you think I can do this walking with a wheelbarrow?" YES, they cried! And he did!

"Now put a ton of bricks in the wheelbarrow. Do you think I can do this now?" The crowd, and the camera crews, and KDKA Sally Wiggin all cried, "YES!!" And he did.

Then the man looked at the crowd: "Who believes that I can take a man in the wheelbarrow?" The crowd shouted emphatically, YES! We believe!!! The man replied, "Who will be my first volunteer?"

The crowd was silent.

Then He said to them, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

I'm learning to trust

I'm learning to feel

I'm learning to love You always

~Infinite, Something Like Silas