nothing new, but everything learned

God is good, faithful, and true. He will not let his glory be shared with another. He is my Father, Creator, Healer, Comforter, everything thing I need, the only thing I have.

Yet in the midst of this hope and joy, allow me to be sad today...inspiration will come soon.

Well painted passion
You rightly suspect
Impersonation
The dumbing down of love
Jaded in anger
Love underwhelms you
No box of chocolates
Whichever way you fall

And if I tell you
Lover alone without love
What will happen
Lover alone without love
Will you miss him?
Love alone without, without love

No, no I'll get this
I want to treat you
You're still not famous
And you haven't struck it rich
Underachieving
'Cause no one's receiving
This tunnel vision
It's turning out all wrong

And if I tell you
Lover alone without love
What will happen
Lover alone without love
Will you miss him?
Love alone without, without love

- Frou Frou

Until all I have left is You

the treasures I had set my sights on
gather rust before my eyes
the truth that I had based my life on
is uncovered as a bed of lies
and the promises I had received
were just myself giving them to me

You take away
You take away
and all I have is You
You take away
You take away
until all I have is You

the shadows of these things will fade
in the light that shines from You

Lord take away
take away
so all I have left is You
Lord, take away
take away
until all I have is You

I have discovered that running is one of the best ways for me to focus on the Lord and pray to Him. This is probably because after 5 minutes my legs are killing me and my ankles want to turn directions not meant for the human body, which leads me to pray for the Lord to keep me going and not die on Hillside Drive.

Running also allows me to see things that I usually would overlook while driving. For instance, when I collapsed on the ground due to heat exhaustion, I saw a huge pile of HUGE boulders that were arranged in a weird cave formation. Probably an old abandoned house at one point. I probably would have climbed the fence to explore had there not been barbed wire at the top. Good thinking, Deer Park Management.

But most of all, when I run or walk, I am blown away by God's creation. His sky, the coloring of the grass, the hills and valley contours of the landscape; it blows me away. I am so much more thankful for a breeze in the hot sun than the safety of air conditioning (which is a blessing too).

While walking back home from the church (I was too exhausted to run), I was realizing all the things of this world that the Lord has stripped and is stripping from me. As the freestyle worship flowed, I found myself saying, "You take away, You take away, and all I have left is You."

I used to see God as taking things from me as punishment. A relationship, a job endeavor, a friendship. But now, at the age of 22 when all my friends seem to be having their dreams fulfilled, I see that God is stripping me so that I can be with Him alone, without distractions. It was a lesson I briefly learned at camp this past week when I had to focus on middle school girls and not my own selfish desires.

And the kicker: with friends getting married and others engaged and relationships blossoming like wildflowers, I thought how nice it would be to get flowers from a guy. And at that thought, I realized I was walking next to a garden of purple mini sunflowers. Silly huh? A girl longs for a guy to extend a bouquet, when the Lord of creation creates a field of them.

I love Him :)

sticks and stones hurt

even if you love someone, there are days when you don't want to love them. it's a horrible desire, but maybe you allow it because you know you always will love them regardless. but how do you want to love someone? how do you choose to love them, when the catalyst for the original pain resurfaces? and how do you prepare for a scar to reopen? is there preventative action? prayer and petition? denial? all out war? how about a song....

Sticks
written by Elise Hindmarsh

i first remember you
staring at the calendar
wondering where you were

the weeks had gone
and i was old enough to count them
one by one

one, two, you used to buckled my shoe
three, four, and then you shut the door
five, six, i'm still picking up the sticks you threw

do you know how deep you cut
how deep it has grown
idealism born
innocence lost

but you're not to blame
you had your own business to attend
but that was the problem even then

one, two, you used to buckle my shoe
three, four, and then you shut the door
five, six, i'm still picking up the sticks you threw
seven, eight, sometimes i think it's too late
nine, ten, to redo it all again

i still remember you
and looking in the mirror
i can see you in me

do i move on?
accept you as you are
as i cover up the scar

one, two, i will buckle my shoe
three, four, if you come back thru the door
five, six, i will burn all the sticks you threw
seven, eight, it is never too late
nine, ten, to redo it all again