Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

I was asked this question at a bar the other night. After my response, he said, "I hate to burst your bubble, but you have to pay the bills."

I wonder when we as creative, amazing, intelligent, impecably perservering human beings decided that in order to pay bills you must give up your dream...that for some reason to be responsible means to be boring.

I have talked to several people who love one thing and then settle for another. Who deeply desire to change the world and then sit behind a cubicle. Do I think that cubicles are a minor form of hell waiting to trap people? No. But unlike their structure, one size does not fit all. Some people are made for living out Office Space. I don't doubt that for a minute. But some people aren't.

I'm not.

I was listening to my favorite Dashboard Confessional song, "This Ruined Puzzle." It reminds me of my relationship with God, like just about every other song I hear on the radio. There's a line in this one that almost knocked my car into a telephone pole:

This basement's a coffin, I'm buried alive
I'll die in here just to be safe.
I'll die in here just to be safe.

How many of us are dead men walking because we want to be safe? I'm not talking about death = having a good job and making money is the devil. I'm talking about death of passion. Death of dreams. Death of who we are at our core, because it's just too hard to live as the image bearers of God we were meant to be.

So we settle. Maybe as a doctor, perpetual student, or fast food salesmen. Settling is different for everyone. But the principle is the same.

I want a big house in the middle of a Jewish neighborhood within walking distance from a busy city street. I want a husband. I want lots of kids. I want to sing when I'm manic and play piano when I'm depressed. I want to cook food, eat food, play football, scream at hockey refs, read Bible stories to my kids, kick and scream when I'm praying, tell people there's more hope than they realize. I don't want to feel old when I'm 40. I want to welcome strangers. Welcome friends. I want people to know they can come to my house if they need a place to crash. I want to change every part of the world that I touch, even if it's just 1 degree closer to holy.

And I want to pay the bills.

I just happen to think I can have fun and do what I love while doing it.

Am I crazy?