Lonely Nights

The transition back to Oakmont has gone fairly well. But, as to be expected, there have been a few drawbacks.

One, I don't have 3 wonderful roommates that keep me entertained (or should I say, I keep entertained). Basically, I've found myself glued to my computer awaiting a friend to pop onto Skype, Facebook, or send me an email. It's a longing for connection. And probably Connexion as well.

Two, I'm starting to deal with my insomnia again. I can't fall asleep until about 1-2am, and I wake up repeatedly thru the night. That's always annoying, because then I don't actually get out of bed until noon, and I'm exhausted.

Three, I'm having anxiety dreams. Two nights ago, I dreamt that I was on my DTS, but it was set like the Real World, and all the girls hated me, got drunk, and then one made out with my dad. Then I grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against the wall, only to realize that this was all on camera (it was the Real World-DTS I guess), and that I was being a bad witness. Then, last night, I had a dream that I was hallucinating visions of our family friend who just recently passed away. I dreamt that I was having conversations with him, while I knew in the dream he was dead.

Fourth, I'm having trouble praying. I'm so busy "doing" that I don't stop and pray for direction. I suppose this is because I feel I already have my direction. But how often should a Christian pray for direction? When do we know that our wisdom and understanding is from Jesus and not our own? If I feel distant from the Lord, is that just because I'm used to being continuously surrounded by Christians, or that I really am distant from God? If it's only because I'm not in my Christian group now, does that mean that I rely on them too much for my relationship with God?

Ugh, so many questions. Maybe I should just lay in bed and just be still...and wait...and hope to either hear God speak or fall asleep. Does that sound sad?