Driven

I have a dictionary from home that I'm pretty sure I've used since elementary school. Today I was looking up the word "cosmopolitan" and found an insert of paper with definitions on it. Judging from the handwriting (and assuming I'm the author), I'm thinking it's from elementary school. The words being defined were "driven" and "driving". The following are the definitions I apparently highlighted:

Driven: to send, excell or otherwise cause to move by force or compulsion
Driving: 1. energetic; vigorously active, 2. relaxing or transmitting power [me]

Relaxing or transmitting power? What does that even mean? Is it some human form of potential energy? More importantly, why would an elementary student use this definition to define herself? Did I actually have that much insight to one of the core parts of my being?

My IU professor told me that I am one of the most anxious students he's had. This was after I asked him for a graduate school application 5 days into this fall semester. I told him that I'd prefer to be called "driven". I have absolutely no recollection of using this word when I was a kid, let alone associating it with myself. And then to find this in my dictionary...Now I don't believe in coincidences, but I do believe in signs. That things are put together in a greater design, working for something that I cannot see but at times will get glimpses of. My recent determination and borderline underground obsession with my pursuit of music encapsulates this word "driven". The possible idea that I wrote these definitions and left them in the dictionary, to find them a decade later, as maybe a note from my inner child: remember who you are, remember that there is a potential, relaxing, transmitting power at your core. And remember me, the imaginative girl who ran around the tree 6 times to never grow up, and rolled around on the couch singing "Who Can I Turn To?" hoping one day to sing forever...

...or maybe it was for a spelling test and I forgot to throw it away.