One is the loneliest number...

Today I invited people to come over for a movie and homemade cookies. No one came.

As an isolated event, no big deal, but this has been a reccuring theme. I guess I just don't have the gift for group event management, unless it involves a pool (which raises some interesting questions...)

So this evening I read up on Orientalism and Imperialism while drinking a glass of red wine, and wrote 2 songs. One might suppose this meants I was productive. However, the entire time I was trying and hoping to find more social options with my cell phone at arms length. Everything else was more busy work than production.

I don't doubt that tonight was supposed to be alone. Maybe my desire for company is on the brink of gluttony. That I want to be with people for the sake of activity than for sustanence. I know that sounds really selfish, and I don't want it to seem that I don't love my friends. I do, I really do. I might not show it well, but I really do love you guys. But the issue is more that I refuse to be alone. I will do most anything to not be alone. And when I am alone, I begin to think that maybe it's because I'm not loved. I can be so egocentric.

I sorta set myself up for this though. Like the song "All By Myself" I distanced myself from people. Now when I want to cross the bridges, no one is there on the other side. Thus the inspiration of my own "All By Myself," entitled "Not Easy." Verse 3 really sums it up...

My entourage of faces keeps me lost in the crowd
I’d rather be lonely than abandoned
but I yearn for someone to say, wanna come out and play?
I guess it all comes down to being loved

This really isn't meant for people to take pity on me or call with stuff to do. More so, I want to pose the honest question: Is it possible to want people too much? Is it possible to covet closeness? Can someone be a glutton for company?

One may be the loneliest number, but maybe One is just what I need.