I will have love

I think I expect a lot of people. I think I expect that people think the same way I do. That they don't have weaknesses, that they can handle situations, and that they should know better and be strong enough to practice what they believe or long for.

Maybe so I can stop trying myself. Because if everyone has it together, then I won't have an opportunity to make mistakes. I mean, you can't drink when there's no alcohol. Not that this has anything to do with alcohol.

It's hard for me to see people as people. As people with issues. It's hard for me to remember that we are all lost in our own ways. That we are all battling with desires that can consume us, and we all desire some type of "hit" or escape to ease the hurt, distrust, pain, loneliness. As if I'm the only one who can be hurt. How selfish.

It's easier to forgive when you realize people need forgiven, that it is a requirement because the need for it will always present itself. I desperately want to love, yet I withold forgiveness from those who smash a growing hope of such. It's easy to love when you realize everyone needs it, not just you. Everyone needs it, destroys it, toys with it, ignores it, runs from it, runs to it.

But how do you love correctly?

An aspiring director is about to start production on his film. The fated hero aspires to find redemption thru love, and ultimately finds redemption thru self-sacrifice. So at 2am, I thought, "What is greater self-sacrifice than love? Because in order to love correctly, we must sacrifice everday something of ourselves for others." And Jesus says, "There is no greater love than this: that a man would give up his life for his friends."

I want to love you correctly. As a friend, as a lover, as a brother, as a sister, as a daughter, I want to love you correctly. And if I want to love correctly, I must be willing to be hurt as well. But always return to love.

True love is not without hope. To give up hope would be to give up breathing. We're just all in the learning process. But I will learn how to love you better.

"I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No...not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that...over-throws life. Unbiddable, ungovernable--like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love--like there has never been in a play."
-Viola, Shakespear in Love