One of my 100 New Years Resolutions is to listen better, to listen WITHOUT figuring out how I will reply midway through the person's sentence. I have learned a lot about people today. Here are some of the conversations.
#1. I asked a elementary school kid to answer this question on a test:
Me: "Finish this sentence: I can always count on God to..."
Kid: "...forgive my sins."
Wow. I wish I always counted on that.
#2. Talking with high school students about whether technology (Facebook, Myspace, etc) has increased out ability to connect with others or decreased. The overwhelming response was decrease. Then one girl wondered if we'd ever get to the point where we didn't see anyone ever, with all things accessible by web. And one girl said, "If that happens, it will probably happen we we don't even realize. We'll wake up and realize, wow, I haven't seen you in a while and you live 4 houses down."
Made me wonder, how much of my life will change without me even noticing?
#3. Talked with some guys who spend the day walking all over town because "when you don't have a stable food source, you have to keep walking around to survive." I had never thought of that. I thought driving down the hill to Giant Eagle was a pain.
God gave you twice as many ears as you have a mouth, which means you listen twice as much as you speak. From an audiology standpoint, one would argue its so you can localize sound. But, it's humbling what I learned in a day when I stopped worrying about speaking and actually desired to listen.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Soulgasms
Okay. I'm going to ask we all be adults as we read this blog. If you're not sure you can do it, just go to the part in quotations.
From time to time, I experience something I call a "soulgasm". This usually occurs after reading a particular passage in Scripture or a book or a song, in which my soul completely releases and I feel a deep surrender to the Lord followed by intense contentment and peace.
Tonight, I had a soulgasm. It came from reading "Confessions" from St. Augustine. The specific quote was this:
"In all the things that I go over when I go to you for counsel I find no safe place for my soul except in you. There I can gather my scattered pieces, nor is any part of me lost from you."
So after reading this, all I wanted to do was lay in bed and meditate on the Lord: how he is merciful, patient, and keeps all our pieces when we return to him to be put back together. And I finally found contentment in solitude.
I found the chapter I was originially looking for after my soulgasm, which is fitting as it is about stillness. I'll share it with you, and maybe you can have a soulgasm of your own.
"Let's suppose the tumult of one's flesh were to fall silent.
that the vain illusions of earth, waters and air were to fall silent,
that the sky were to fall silent.
Let us suppose that one's very soul were to fall silent,
and by not thinking about itself,
were to transcend itself;
From time to time, I experience something I call a "soulgasm". This usually occurs after reading a particular passage in Scripture or a book or a song, in which my soul completely releases and I feel a deep surrender to the Lord followed by intense contentment and peace.
Tonight, I had a soulgasm. It came from reading "Confessions" from St. Augustine. The specific quote was this:
"In all the things that I go over when I go to you for counsel I find no safe place for my soul except in you. There I can gather my scattered pieces, nor is any part of me lost from you."
So after reading this, all I wanted to do was lay in bed and meditate on the Lord: how he is merciful, patient, and keeps all our pieces when we return to him to be put back together. And I finally found contentment in solitude.
I found the chapter I was originially looking for after my soulgasm, which is fitting as it is about stillness. I'll share it with you, and maybe you can have a soulgasm of your own.
"Let's suppose the tumult of one's flesh were to fall silent.
that the vain illusions of earth, waters and air were to fall silent,
that the sky were to fall silent.
Let us suppose that one's very soul were to fall silent,
and by not thinking about itself,
were to transcend itself;
suppose all dreams and revelatory images,
all tongues and symbols,
all that comes to be by passing away were to fall silent
- for all these things say to whoever listens,
all tongues and symbols,
all that comes to be by passing away were to fall silent
- for all these things say to whoever listens,
"We did not make ourselves (Psalm 99.3)
'our Maker is he who abides for ever' (Ps. 32.11)
'our Maker is he who abides for ever' (Ps. 32.11)
Let us suppose that they were to fall silent
having aroused us with these words to listen to their Maker;
having aroused us with these words to listen to their Maker;
suppose also that he, the Maker, were to speak
- he alone, not through things he has made but through himself,
so that we could hear his word;
not through fleshly tongue nor through angels' voice
not through the sound of the thunder (Ps. 76.18)
nor through the riddle of a parable
but suppose we could hear him whom we love for all these things,
but without all these things,
just as even now we stretched out and with souring contemplation
attained the eternal Wisdom that abides above all things.
- he alone, not through things he has made but through himself,
so that we could hear his word;
not through fleshly tongue nor through angels' voice
not through the sound of the thunder (Ps. 76.18)
nor through the riddle of a parable
but suppose we could hear him whom we love for all these things,
but without all these things,
just as even now we stretched out and with souring contemplation
attained the eternal Wisdom that abides above all things.
Let us suppose also that this state were to be prolonged
and that other, far inferior visions were removed
and this one vision were to enrapture and swallow up
and hide the beholder in itself
so that life would eternally be as this moment of understanding for which we sighed
would such a state not be what is meant by the words,
Enter into your Master's joy (Math. 25.21)?
and that other, far inferior visions were removed
and this one vision were to enrapture and swallow up
and hide the beholder in itself
so that life would eternally be as this moment of understanding for which we sighed
would such a state not be what is meant by the words,
Enter into your Master's joy (Math. 25.21)?
...the world and all its pleasures became to us at our words a thing disprized
Monday, January 04, 2010
Not Alone - New Song
Not Alone - music/lyrics by Elise Hindmarsh
I get into arguments with the voices in my head
fist fights with ghosts in the mirror, on the bed
Jesus seems outnumbered when I call to Him
with legions of demons hanging on my limbs
and I know I’m not alone
no I know I’m not alone
with all the madmen in the world
I’m not alone
the radio keeps condemning me
for the love I gave away willingly
and that love is for fools or day dream believers
but whether its lost or its found, no one understands love any clearer
so I know I’m not alone
no I know I’m not alone
with all the lovers in the world
I’m not alone
I walk into church and hear the same 4 songs
I usually sing harmony but I don’t sing along
the reverend tells us that God is love
and each person made Jesus break his body, spill his blood
So I know I’m not alone
no I know I’m not alone
with all the sinners in the world
I’m not alone so
I know I’m not alone
yes I know I’m not alone
with all you people in the world
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Twas the day before Christmas...
Twas the day before Christmas and all through my home,
I prayed that this Christmas no one feels alone.
That Jesus would be proclaimed with His love,
without conditions or favortism or "you're not good enough."
That gifts would be given straight from the heart,
no matter if bought from Goodwill or Walmart.
That Christians would be humbled by the sight of the manger,
remembering that Jesus did the same despite danger
And that I could forgive with true peace in my heart,
and today is as good as any day to start.
I prayed that this Christmas no one feels alone.
That Jesus would be proclaimed with His love,
without conditions or favortism or "you're not good enough."
That gifts would be given straight from the heart,
no matter if bought from Goodwill or Walmart.
That Christians would be humbled by the sight of the manger,
remembering that Jesus did the same despite danger
And that I could forgive with true peace in my heart,
and today is as good as any day to start.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
In response...
I feel I need to respond to my own post. I realize that we cannot make anyone change, let alone a period of time almost 60 years ago. I must start with myself. Take the plank out of my own eye. Thank you "Sing Off" for singing "Man in the Mirror."
Be the change you want to see.
Be the change you want to see.
I picked up a book last night...
I forget how much I love to read. I'm one of those people who around the holiday's realizes the wealth of knowledge at my disposal and asks for 5-1o books. I can tell you that all of those books are currently sitting on my shelf, and I have read a total of 1.
I decided to pick up #2 last night. It's called "The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid." I love kids, and I've been in a lame mood lately, so I thought this would be a perfect way to suspend my reality a bit and focus on the joy of childhood.
I didn't finish the 1st chapter, in disgust.
Let me share with you the first couple pages I read, and maybe you'll understand why I felt too sick to move forward. I'll put my thoughts in [ ].
"I can't imagine there has ever been a more gratifying time or place to be alive than America in the 1950s. No country had ever known such prosperity. [really?] When the war ended the United States had $26 billion worth of factories that hadn't existed before the war, $140 billion in savings and war bonds just waiting to be spent, no bomb damage [feel kinda bad for the devestated families of Europe and Japan], and practically no competition. All that American companies had to do was stop making tanks and battleships and start making Buicks and Frigidaires - and boy did they. [woo hoo, just what we need!]
"...almost 90% of American families had refigerators, and nearly 3/4 had washing machines, telephones, vacuum cleaners, and gas or elective stoves - things that most of the rest of the world coul still only fantasize about. [and we're proud of that?] Americans owned 80% of teh world's electrical goods, controlled 2/3 of the world's productive capacity, produced more than 40 percent of its electricity, 60 percent of its oil, and 66 percent of its steel. The 5 percent of people on Earth who were Americans had more wealth than the other 95 percent combined. [I'm starting to feel sick...]
"...We became the richest country in the world without needing the rest of the world." [..while everyone else might need our help]
"...In 1951, the average American ate 50% more than the average European." [that explains our obesity rate]
"...They'd all have a good laugh...and then sit around drinking iced tea and talking appliances for an hour or so. [No other pressing issues around the world or anything?] No human being had ever been quite this happy before."
That last line did me in. Even writing it makes me feel sick. I understand historically that we had just helped end a war and people were happy. I understand that historically we had just come out of the Great Depression. I understand that the author is just trying to convey how great a time it was to be born in the year 1951. But it was hard for me not to read this and not think "America the Beautiful" but "America the Glutton."
I don't bash my country much, if at all. We have great freedom, great resources, great healthcare (for those who can afford it), great education, and overall great people. But these words on pg. 5-6 made me think, "Wow, so often we live in this bubble, and completely forget the rest of the world is NOT like this."
Keep in mind right now I am somewhat sensitive having followed a guy my age doing a hunger strike for 9 days to raise money for deworming meds for starving children. I told another friend I feel like I experience Norman Rockwell's Christmas inside, and then I step outside and am reminded how not everywhere has a Christmas tree, lights, feasts of appetizers, and jingle bells.
Sorry if I'm sounding pessimistic. I swear I'm not bitter. I think I'm just becoming more aware.
I'll leave you today with the lyrics of a Christmas song I heard on the radio as yet another reminder from the Lord about the state of things (yes, the Lord still speaks to me via radio). God bless. Be aware. Do good.
But say a prayer
Pray for the other ones
At Christmas time it's hard
But when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring
There are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
And there won't be snow in Africa
This Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
I decided to pick up #2 last night. It's called "The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid." I love kids, and I've been in a lame mood lately, so I thought this would be a perfect way to suspend my reality a bit and focus on the joy of childhood.
I didn't finish the 1st chapter, in disgust.
Let me share with you the first couple pages I read, and maybe you'll understand why I felt too sick to move forward. I'll put my thoughts in [ ].
"I can't imagine there has ever been a more gratifying time or place to be alive than America in the 1950s. No country had ever known such prosperity. [really?] When the war ended the United States had $26 billion worth of factories that hadn't existed before the war, $140 billion in savings and war bonds just waiting to be spent, no bomb damage [feel kinda bad for the devestated families of Europe and Japan], and practically no competition. All that American companies had to do was stop making tanks and battleships and start making Buicks and Frigidaires - and boy did they. [woo hoo, just what we need!]
"...almost 90% of American families had refigerators, and nearly 3/4 had washing machines, telephones, vacuum cleaners, and gas or elective stoves - things that most of the rest of the world coul still only fantasize about. [and we're proud of that?] Americans owned 80% of teh world's electrical goods, controlled 2/3 of the world's productive capacity, produced more than 40 percent of its electricity, 60 percent of its oil, and 66 percent of its steel. The 5 percent of people on Earth who were Americans had more wealth than the other 95 percent combined. [I'm starting to feel sick...]
"...We became the richest country in the world without needing the rest of the world." [..while everyone else might need our help]
"...In 1951, the average American ate 50% more than the average European." [that explains our obesity rate]
"...They'd all have a good laugh...and then sit around drinking iced tea and talking appliances for an hour or so. [No other pressing issues around the world or anything?] No human being had ever been quite this happy before."
That last line did me in. Even writing it makes me feel sick. I understand historically that we had just helped end a war and people were happy. I understand that historically we had just come out of the Great Depression. I understand that the author is just trying to convey how great a time it was to be born in the year 1951. But it was hard for me not to read this and not think "America the Beautiful" but "America the Glutton."
I don't bash my country much, if at all. We have great freedom, great resources, great healthcare (for those who can afford it), great education, and overall great people. But these words on pg. 5-6 made me think, "Wow, so often we live in this bubble, and completely forget the rest of the world is NOT like this."
Keep in mind right now I am somewhat sensitive having followed a guy my age doing a hunger strike for 9 days to raise money for deworming meds for starving children. I told another friend I feel like I experience Norman Rockwell's Christmas inside, and then I step outside and am reminded how not everywhere has a Christmas tree, lights, feasts of appetizers, and jingle bells.
Sorry if I'm sounding pessimistic. I swear I'm not bitter. I think I'm just becoming more aware.
I'll leave you today with the lyrics of a Christmas song I heard on the radio as yet another reminder from the Lord about the state of things (yes, the Lord still speaks to me via radio). God bless. Be aware. Do good.
But say a prayer
Pray for the other ones
At Christmas time it's hard
But when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring
There are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
And there won't be snow in Africa
This Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
Feed the world...
Monday, December 14, 2009
Reconciliation this Christmas
And so this is Christmas, and what have you done?
As a worship leader, I have been challenged to actually read the words of th carols I incorporate into the worship list. I was listening today intently to the lyrics for "Hark the Harold Angels Sing" and heard the line, "God and sinners reconciled."
Instead of getting all philisophical, I'm going to get to the point. If I am celebrating the season in which God reconciled me to him through Jesus, I feel as though it is also necessary that I seek to reconcile myself to others.
Sometimes this is not a huge ordeal. It may have been that you've really lacked on your share of the apartment responsiblities (which I have done). It may have been that you allowed your tongue to get out of hand and spoke ill of someone that you actually care about deeply even if you disagree with them on various levels (which I have done). Maybe you forgot to put the toilet seat down (which I have not done, thank you.)
But sometimes it is a huge deal. Maybe you stopped talking to someone out of bitterness (which I have done). Maybe you stood by as someone got totally verbally annihilated and just by listening partook in their abuse (which I have done). Maybe you've done something else that doesn't need broadcasted on a blog post (which I have done).
My prayer for myself and for us during this season is that we would seek to be reconciled to eachother. Even if that means going to your closest friends and asking, "I love you, I care about you, I'd do anything for you, but what have I not done? Have I offended you in any way? What can I do to make our relationship the way it should be? How can I honor you better?" Even if you're not sure you've done anything, I assure you that even the gesture can be a breath of fresh air.
There are some reconciliations that require time, and reconciliation/forgiveness cannot be forced. But if the Holy Spirit puts someone on our hearts, and gives us peace that seeking that reconciliation is possible, I hope we follow through.
Peace on earth, good will towards men. May the Spirit prepare our way as we prepare his.
As a worship leader, I have been challenged to actually read the words of th carols I incorporate into the worship list. I was listening today intently to the lyrics for "Hark the Harold Angels Sing" and heard the line, "God and sinners reconciled."
Instead of getting all philisophical, I'm going to get to the point. If I am celebrating the season in which God reconciled me to him through Jesus, I feel as though it is also necessary that I seek to reconcile myself to others.
Sometimes this is not a huge ordeal. It may have been that you've really lacked on your share of the apartment responsiblities (which I have done). It may have been that you allowed your tongue to get out of hand and spoke ill of someone that you actually care about deeply even if you disagree with them on various levels (which I have done). Maybe you forgot to put the toilet seat down (which I have not done, thank you.)
But sometimes it is a huge deal. Maybe you stopped talking to someone out of bitterness (which I have done). Maybe you stood by as someone got totally verbally annihilated and just by listening partook in their abuse (which I have done). Maybe you've done something else that doesn't need broadcasted on a blog post (which I have done).
My prayer for myself and for us during this season is that we would seek to be reconciled to eachother. Even if that means going to your closest friends and asking, "I love you, I care about you, I'd do anything for you, but what have I not done? Have I offended you in any way? What can I do to make our relationship the way it should be? How can I honor you better?" Even if you're not sure you've done anything, I assure you that even the gesture can be a breath of fresh air.
There are some reconciliations that require time, and reconciliation/forgiveness cannot be forced. But if the Holy Spirit puts someone on our hearts, and gives us peace that seeking that reconciliation is possible, I hope we follow through.
Peace on earth, good will towards men. May the Spirit prepare our way as we prepare his.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Marriage Counseling...new song
if you're tired, so am i
i'm not sure sure if i lied
when i said i'd walk with you forever
some say the road should be easy
some say expect the pain
i'm not sure who to believe when i can't predict the weather
for better or for worse
in sickness and in health
for poorer or for richer
well i never wanted wealth
but worse seems so scary
when best is all i've known
but if it's time to grow, i want to grow
if waiting is an action word
maybe silence is the best conversation
when no words seem to help
can two different people
learn to become one
and die to but no lose themselves
for better or for worse
in sickness and in health f
or poorer or for richer
well i never wanted wealth
but worse seems so scary
when best is all i've known
but if it's time to grow, i want to grow
patience is a virtue
i always said i never had
the fact is i'm learning, and i think i've made headway
and he found me as i was
and he loves me as i am
and he wants me to never be the same
for better or for worse
in sickness and in health
for poorer or for richer
well i swear i never wanted wealth
but worse seems so scary
when best is all i've known
but if it's time to grow, i want to grow
i'm not sure sure if i lied
when i said i'd walk with you forever
some say the road should be easy
some say expect the pain
i'm not sure who to believe when i can't predict the weather
for better or for worse
in sickness and in health
for poorer or for richer
well i never wanted wealth
but worse seems so scary
when best is all i've known
but if it's time to grow, i want to grow
if waiting is an action word
maybe silence is the best conversation
when no words seem to help
can two different people
learn to become one
and die to but no lose themselves
for better or for worse
in sickness and in health f
or poorer or for richer
well i never wanted wealth
but worse seems so scary
when best is all i've known
but if it's time to grow, i want to grow
patience is a virtue
i always said i never had
the fact is i'm learning, and i think i've made headway
and he found me as i was
and he loves me as i am
and he wants me to never be the same
for better or for worse
in sickness and in health
for poorer or for richer
well i swear i never wanted wealth
but worse seems so scary
when best is all i've known
but if it's time to grow, i want to grow
Friday, June 26, 2009
A Letter to Elise
I wrote this blog entry on my myspace page back in August, nearly a year ago. I needed to hear it again. Funny how words come back to haunt us...this time, in a good way.
August 16, 2008
Open your hearts to us; we have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have taken advantage of no one. I do not say this to condemn you, for I said before that you are in our hearts, to die together and to live together. I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort. With all our affliction, I am overjoyed. (2 Corinthians 7:2-4)
I wish I could have the same spirit as Paul when he speaks to the Christians of various towns. The epistles were written because people we screwing up, making mistakes, being led astray despite his work to show them the accurate gospel of Jesus Christ. And yet, this insane behavior does not create a heart of bitterness in Paul. Instead he states simply, "I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort."
I wish I could say this to my friends who fall habitually into sin. I wish I could say, "I'm proud of you," when they start behaving like maniacs. But then again, when I was in my downward spirals, I desperately wanted someone to believe in me. I needed the affirmation of love. So Paul gives. And so I want to give to my friends as well.
When someone believes in you, you can't help but feel the slightest bit empowered. If someone believes in me, I at least wonder what they could see that perhaps I don't see. We all need someone to see us beyond ourselves, because way too frequently we're egotistical cry babies.
Paul says that in Christ, we no longer see the world thru human eyes, but thru the eyes of God. Maybe that's where believing in sinners (ncluding myself) comes from. God sees me thru the blood of Christ, not the blood on my hands. I can be proud of my friends, and have confidence in them, because I know the Lord does not give up on those he has called according to His good purpose.
Maybe that's why Paul can say, "I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort." Maybe his words weren't a reflection on their behavior, but a reflection of the hope found in the Holy Spirit that He is faithful to complete the work he began in us. And maybe Paul's role was not to judge, or to condemn, but to just encourage. To help the people of Corinth see beyond themselves, and to the cross, just like Jesus.
So this gift of encouragement, God…help me be proud of those who have lost their pride, to have confidence in those who have lost heart, and to have comfort for those who can't stand being in their own skin. If you won't give up on them, neither shall I.
August 16, 2008
Open your hearts to us; we have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have taken advantage of no one. I do not say this to condemn you, for I said before that you are in our hearts, to die together and to live together. I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort. With all our affliction, I am overjoyed. (2 Corinthians 7:2-4)
I wish I could have the same spirit as Paul when he speaks to the Christians of various towns. The epistles were written because people we screwing up, making mistakes, being led astray despite his work to show them the accurate gospel of Jesus Christ. And yet, this insane behavior does not create a heart of bitterness in Paul. Instead he states simply, "I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort."
I wish I could say this to my friends who fall habitually into sin. I wish I could say, "I'm proud of you," when they start behaving like maniacs. But then again, when I was in my downward spirals, I desperately wanted someone to believe in me. I needed the affirmation of love. So Paul gives. And so I want to give to my friends as well.
When someone believes in you, you can't help but feel the slightest bit empowered. If someone believes in me, I at least wonder what they could see that perhaps I don't see. We all need someone to see us beyond ourselves, because way too frequently we're egotistical cry babies.
Paul says that in Christ, we no longer see the world thru human eyes, but thru the eyes of God. Maybe that's where believing in sinners (ncluding myself) comes from. God sees me thru the blood of Christ, not the blood on my hands. I can be proud of my friends, and have confidence in them, because I know the Lord does not give up on those he has called according to His good purpose.
Maybe that's why Paul can say, "I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort." Maybe his words weren't a reflection on their behavior, but a reflection of the hope found in the Holy Spirit that He is faithful to complete the work he began in us. And maybe Paul's role was not to judge, or to condemn, but to just encourage. To help the people of Corinth see beyond themselves, and to the cross, just like Jesus.
So this gift of encouragement, God…help me be proud of those who have lost their pride, to have confidence in those who have lost heart, and to have comfort for those who can't stand being in their own skin. If you won't give up on them, neither shall I.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Revolutionaries: Juan Mann, Lennon, and Jesus
You say you want a revolution
Well, you know we all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know we all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
Well, you know we all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know we all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
You say you got a real solution
Well, you know we'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know we're doing what we can
But when you want money for people with minds that hate
All I can tell is brother you have to wait
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
-John Lennon, Revolution
Will you change the world through love or hate?
Will you build a new bridge by burning an old one or fixing the rotting wood?
Will you remove opposition by destroying the enemy or making friends?
How will you be a revolutionary?
When the disciples asked Jesus if they could destory His opponents by calling on Heaven's fire (Luke 9:53-56), Jesus rebuked them, and said He came to save and not destroy. When Judas had determined in his mind to betray Jesus, and Jesus was aware of it, Jesus washed Judas' feet just like he did with his friends. (John 13:2-5) When Jesus was arrested, his disciple cut off one of the enemy party's ear. Jesus rebuked his disciple and put the ear back on the man (Luke 22:47-51).
Jesus was a revolutionary. And yet at all times when His disciples called for violence, Jesus responded in the opposite spirit: love.
At these moments, I realize that I am too much like a disciple, and not enough like Christ. May my heart be changed, and by loving even my enemies, be a revolutionary.
The world knows how to hate. We need revolutionaries to show what it means to love.
Friday, May 29, 2009
I Will Be Stainless Steel
Jesus tells stories through parables. God still speaks to me through similies and metaphors.
I was washing my dishes and was cleaning this stainless steel pot. As the water and soap washed away the grim and dried macaroni and cheese, the Holy Spirit reminded me of a verse somewhere that says we should be careful not be stained by the world. Got me thinking of how followers of Jesus might be liked stainless steel pots.
A stainless steel pot is useful for many things: cooking, boiling, simmering. And the use of this pot is often for the benefit of others, primarily filling my belly. But in the process of being used for the purpose of which it was designed, it get's dirty....grimy...not so attractive...and occasionally, smelly. But then you mix some water with soap, grab a sponge, and it becomes clean and shiny. Sometimes you have to soak it a little bit in the hot water, but eventually, all the grim comes off, and it's ready to be used again.
This is how I'm similar. God made me for a purpose, and in my opinion, that purpose is to bless others (you'll notice that a pot doesn't make food for itself, but for other people). But sometimes when I'm being used, I get dirty. This world is a beautiful, but dirty place. Sometimes I buy into the lies of consumerism, sarcasm, orgasm, and all the other stuff that I run into on a daily basis when trying to shine Jesus' light without blinding people in the process.
And so what happens at the end of the day, when I come home and realize I got a bit dirty? I go to Jesus, and remind myself that by accepting His sacrifice on the cross for my sins, I am washed in His blood. And by repentance, by deciding to turn away from all those "asms" not matter how difficult it might be, I am forgiven and made new. Daily made new.
There are times when I am so ashamed of the grime I've collected that I don't go to my Savior right away. Instead, out of my shame, I just leave it there and try to ignore it. But eventually it starts to fester, grows deeper. But it can still be cleaned. I can still be made new. The "refiner's fire" might take a bit longer because by now an isolated incident might have started to spread and multiply to other areas of my life, but Jesus is faithful to forgive if we give ourself to Him.
So yeah. Haha, Mr. Clean has NOTHING on Jesus. And I want to be a stainless steel pot.
Lord Jesus, You see I patiently wait
Come now, and within me a new heart create
To those who have sought You,
You never said No
Now wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
- Hymn #319
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Follow Thru - New Song
I wrote this after thinking about ways in which I want to be in relationship with people. After "finishing the song" I felt something was missing, and added the third line in the chorus. I dedicate this song as a prayer for missionaries, whether by title or in heart, as an encouragement to follow through in relationships with people, especially with those who are harder to relate for whatever reason. To love someone may be a decision, but I believe it should develop into a heart condition. Never give up hope that you can learn love someone well.
I hope I never presume
to understand the things I know so little
but I hope that what I do know I will not hide
believing it might be too big for you to handle
I hope that I encourage
lift you up with what I say and do
and leave you with a better peace of mind
and be incarnate of a balanced love and truth
i may not understand you
but I hope you help me to
and maybe the heart will follow thru
but if my ignorance becomes me
please forgive me
I’m learning, too
I want to learn to say I’m sorry
when I offend my fellow man
I confess that most of this my pride
sometimes it’s easier to take someone down than to stand
I want to think for myself
without ignoring sound advice
and love those who loved me enough to get in my way
without them I wouldn’t be half as wise
i may not understand you
but I hope you help me to
and maybe the heart will follow thru
but if my ignorance becomes me
please forgive me
I’m learning, too
to understand the things I know so little
but I hope that what I do know I will not hide
believing it might be too big for you to handle
I hope that I encourage
lift you up with what I say and do
and leave you with a better peace of mind
and be incarnate of a balanced love and truth
i may not understand you
but I hope you help me to
and maybe the heart will follow thru
but if my ignorance becomes me
please forgive me
I’m learning, too
I want to learn to say I’m sorry
when I offend my fellow man
I confess that most of this my pride
sometimes it’s easier to take someone down than to stand
I want to think for myself
without ignoring sound advice
and love those who loved me enough to get in my way
without them I wouldn’t be half as wise
i may not understand you
but I hope you help me to
and maybe the heart will follow thru
but if my ignorance becomes me
please forgive me
I’m learning, too
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
There are places I remember...
There are place I remember all my life, though some have changed. And I have changed. It's a good Beatles song, but one line is all too true for me:
And these mem'ries lose their meaning when I think of love as something new.
As a resident nomad, I have been blessed to have built community wherever I've been, though it be painful and at times heartwrentching. But just like the model airplane or Barbie doll house that was once such a part of my growth, I grow older and set these communities on a shelf. Occasionally I see the faces and smiles, and the echos of laughter. But as time passes, the echoes get softer and the faces are more blurred as they collect dust. And as I play in my new community, the past becomes that...the past...and I rarely look back, or desire to return.
I am a compartmentalizer. Each season of my life does not flow into the next, but is boxed up like spring cleaning. "Oh, that was the friendships of '06. Kind of out of style now." I think it's easier for me to deal with the pain of the loss, by compartmentalizing. If these friendships or community was only meant for THAT period of time, then it would be unnecessary to still feel an attachment during THIS period of time.
I think I'm flawed in this thinking, to an extent. Friendships do come and go, communities as well. However, I completely cut the strings. Not maliciously, but as a way to fully invest in what is before me. I think I'm wrong.
Jesus knew what this was like. His community so to speak was the 12 disciples. They went with him everywhere. And as the time with this community was coming to a close, He prayed to the Father, "Now I am departing the world; I am leavning them behind and coming to you. Holy Father, keep them and care for them - all those you have given me - so they will be united just as we are...Father I want these whom you've given me to be with me, so they can see my glory." (John 17:11,24, NLT)
I think my prayers have been different: "Father, I'm leaving (insert city here). I'm moving on to the next place You've called me to go. Father, keep them and care for them - all those You've given to me as a community. I'm sure I'll see them later, but if that doesn't happen, I wish them the best and wash my hands of it."
I want to learn how to continue to love from a distance. That it's okay to miss a community of people, and that doesn't make me ungrateful for where the Lord has me. I miss my community in Bloomington, the people of YWAM Pursuits, and I love the growing community of Pittsburgh. There's a place in my heart for all. And maybe not in a compartmental way, but in a shared appreciation. And if that means I physically feel the loss of proximity (as I am starting to feel now), that's okay. It does not make my ungrateful for what I have. The pain recognizes that it was good, and when good things go, there's a sadness. I guess that's a normal chain reaction that I don't allow myself to feel for long.
The Beatles end their song saying, "I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them..." In my life, I'll love them all.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
God sends me messages thru the radio
Last night, my dad said that a clear symptom for schizophrenia was that a person might feel they were getting messages through the radio. Dang it, I thought...that happens to me all the time! And guess what, folks...it happened to me today :)
I've been having a terrible time praying lately. I know that I'm called to pray, talk to God a lot, be an intercessor, whatever your particular vernacular is. The thing is, I have a terrible time doing it. I was laying in my bathtub last night and just TRYING to get some words out, but I didn't even know where to start. It had nothing to do with finding the right words or the right awesome Christian line to say. I seriously had no words, and the ones I did have got stuck behind my teeth. Lord, help me, I thought.
This afternoon I was driving down Rt. 28 and knew that I needed to break through these walls. HOLY SPIRIT! I screamed softly in my car. Break down these walls. I know I can't do it myself, because if I could, I would have done it by now. I clawed my way with my tongue through simple statements of who God was: God is good, all the time. God is patient. God is love. It wasn't that I didn't believe what I was saying, but it was just SO hard to get the words out. Oh Lord, I need help. Yet as I prayed these simple words, I noticed the song on the radio. It was Aretha Franklin's "Spirit in the Dark".
I've been having a terrible time praying lately. I know that I'm called to pray, talk to God a lot, be an intercessor, whatever your particular vernacular is. The thing is, I have a terrible time doing it. I was laying in my bathtub last night and just TRYING to get some words out, but I didn't even know where to start. It had nothing to do with finding the right words or the right awesome Christian line to say. I seriously had no words, and the ones I did have got stuck behind my teeth. Lord, help me, I thought.
This afternoon I was driving down Rt. 28 and knew that I needed to break through these walls. HOLY SPIRIT! I screamed softly in my car. Break down these walls. I know I can't do it myself, because if I could, I would have done it by now. I clawed my way with my tongue through simple statements of who God was: God is good, all the time. God is patient. God is love. It wasn't that I didn't believe what I was saying, but it was just SO hard to get the words out. Oh Lord, I need help. Yet as I prayed these simple words, I noticed the song on the radio. It was Aretha Franklin's "Spirit in the Dark".
I particularly heard the repeating chorus:
Start getting the Spirit
Start getting the Spirit
Start getting the Spirit
the Spirit in the dark
So that was awesome. The Holy Spirit was whispering in my ear, "You're going to start getting me in this dark time, Elise. So be ready. Start getting the Spirit." Yeah, it was cool.
At 7:30pm I went to the Bible study in the Tattoo Shop. First off, it's awesome that there is a Bible study in the basement of at tattoo shop, although it's a shame that the concept is such a novel idea. I think there should be more Bible Studies in more local shops, but hey, this is awesome. The community is always real, and sometimes quiet, but I managed to hold my tongue for at least the first study.
Anyways, my friendly acquaintance Denman began the study humbly stating his weakness of public speaking, and continued with one of the most amazing mini sermons that I've ever heard. It's not really a sermon, but more of a "this is what i've been thinkin about, and I think it can encourage you as God used it to encourage me" type deals: and now...discuss. The topic was on honesty, faith, and love. It won't unpack it for you, but hopefully if you know any of us that attend the study, you'll see the Spirits impact in the way we live our lives from this day forward.
The entire conversation was so filled with the Holy Spirit. People started bearing their souls (or at least a shade deeper than the tip of the iceberg). We talked about Lent, what we needed in our lives to get straight, how to maintain true humility while encouraging others in the victories in our lives, how we struggle with Jesus's love in the religiosity of Christianity, and were flipping through Scriptures (which I LOVE).
And then a miracle happened: one of the girls, Emma, mentioned how much she liked to pray, and asked people to send her prayer requests so she could pray for them. EUREKA!!! I immedately saw this as a Godsend opportunity for me to hook up with someone and pray WITH them, considering how hard it's been for me to pray alone. Call it my paralytic moment when I needed friends to bring me into Christ's presence. She and I agreed to find a time during the week to pray together. A-mazing.
So I like to have some circular closure to a day, so of course I couldn't start the day with a schizophrenic moment and not end it with one as well. I drove home after the study, and at this point, Lent was on the brain. What am I going to give up? It's not a legalistic thing for me, but discipline to experience some kind of suffering like Christ. It's really none of anyone's business what I'm going to fast, but as I drove home debating the specific idea in my head, I heard these lyrics:
Everybodys got a hungry heart
Everybodys got a hungry heart
Lay down your money and you play your part
Everybodys got a hungry heart
Everybody needs a place to rest
Everybody wants to have a home
Dont make no difference what nobody says
Aint nobody like to be alone
Everybodys got a hungry heart
Everybodys got a hungry heart
Lay down your money and you play your part
Everybodys got a hungry heart
Everybodys got a hungry heart
Lay down your money and you play your part
Everybodys got a hungry heart
I personally felt that the Lord was confirming what I was thinking about. He was reminded me that everyone of us have hungry hearts, and we search for satisfaction in those certain things. And that's what I think fasting is about: replacing your satisfaction of one thing with God, who ultimately satisfies our hunger anyways.
So there you have it. God speaks in mysterious ways, and answers our prayers, even as we're fighting for the words to speak. Good thing the Holy Spirit hears us when we have no words. God's good like that, all the time.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Tell them I love them
Tell them I love them
Tell them it was done so they would come,
free from condemnation
Tell them they were not forgotten
That it was done because I remembered
what would happen between now and then
Tell them I miss them
Tell them I never left them
Tell them they walked away and I cried
Tell them I love them
Tell them I don't want to control them
Tell them I will not abuse them
Tell them I am not waiting for fancy words
Tell them "I'm sorry" can break the bondage
Tell them I am not looking for acts of servicebut hearts of worship
Tell them I am greater than their hearts
Tell them I love them
Tell them I love them
Tell them I love them
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Waiting for Movement
I haven't written in a while, but now, having internet free and an unlimited time, I thought I'd share my evening God revelation.
I have a confession to make: I haven't been making much time for God. It's been really hard to read my Bible, it's been really hard to pray, and it's been really hard to just BE with Him. So tonight, after arriving in New Zealand after an amazing month in Fiji, I decided to grab a guitar and sit underneath the stars and humbly come before God in the way I know best: music.
I laid down on the picnic bench and God reminded me how amazing His creation is. I missed the star scattered nights of New Zealand. I started singing a few worship songs, and suddenly I saw a shooting star. Awesome! I sang another one, and there was another star! Three songs later, another star! Then I started praying, confessing, asking forgiveness, and there was another one. I felt as if the Lord was confirming what I was singing, as if each star was a sign of His recognition. It was amazing.
But I also sensed that the Lord was reminding me of something about how He works. You see, I just got back from Fiji, which was amazing, but I was honestly disappointed that I didn't see huge massive amounts of people healed, coming to the Lord, hitting their knees in repentance. I saw the stars representing the multitudes of people lost, scattered on the earth. God did tell Abraham that his descendants would be like the stars in the sky.
But admist all the stars standing still, not moving, were those few shooting stars. God showed me that the shooting stars were the fruit of God, the changed lives in people. And he gave me two insights into the nature of these stars:
1. I can't expect results immediately. I had to keep looking for these stars, not just wait five minutes expecting a meteor shower to occur. In 30 minutes, I saw only 5 shooting stars in a multitude of thousands. But each shooting star was beautiful. And that is the nature of how God bears fruit. It takes time, and it's in His timing. We just have to be patient and keep our eyes open.
2. The shooting stars happened while I was praising God, while I was praying. This is the same with people. If I praise God, if I pray, I will see changes in people's lives as well.
So those are my thoughts tonight. God is good, all the time. Especially on starry, starry nights :) Gute nacht.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
If I had let my eyes decide
I once met an old man who was wrinkled, white, and grey
If I had let my eyes decide, I would have walked away
His stories were of adventure, and mystery and love
And his crows feet grew from praying to the sky and Son above
the whisky on his breath keeps him sober through the day
if I had let my eyes decide, I'd have had too much to say
I once met a woman with stains on all her clothes,
If I had let my eyes decide, I would have gone back home
She told me of the tears that have soaked her tattered skirt,
Her child is at school, and then comes home to sleep in dirt
The coins that line her pockets feed the lining in her stomach
If I had let my eyes decide, I'd have thought quite little of it
I once met a boy with colors on his arm
If I had let my eyes decide, I'd have thought he meant me harm
He told me that his pictures were the still frames of his life
That gave him strength and character for his future, Christian wife
His hope is just to love the ones the world chose to ignore
If I had let my eyes decide, I would have expected more
I once met a girl with a sweater for each season
If I had let my eyes decide, I'd have not asked for a reason
She told me that each sweater hides the scars on both her wrists
And her entourage of friends conceals the only one she'll miss
And soon she won't need sweaters, or even a change of clothes
If I had let my eyes decide, I would have never known
I meet so many people but we never truly meet
I jump to my conclusions as I pass them on the street
I'd never ask them questions, I'd simply just assume
That the way the look must dictate who they were straight from the womb
If I had let my eyes decide, how would I see within
How can I find the heart of man, if all I see is skin
If I had let my eyes decide, I would have walked away
His stories were of adventure, and mystery and love
And his crows feet grew from praying to the sky and Son above
the whisky on his breath keeps him sober through the day
if I had let my eyes decide, I'd have had too much to say
I once met a woman with stains on all her clothes,
If I had let my eyes decide, I would have gone back home
She told me of the tears that have soaked her tattered skirt,
Her child is at school, and then comes home to sleep in dirt
The coins that line her pockets feed the lining in her stomach
If I had let my eyes decide, I'd have thought quite little of it
I once met a boy with colors on his arm
If I had let my eyes decide, I'd have thought he meant me harm
He told me that his pictures were the still frames of his life
That gave him strength and character for his future, Christian wife
His hope is just to love the ones the world chose to ignore
If I had let my eyes decide, I would have expected more
I once met a girl with a sweater for each season
If I had let my eyes decide, I'd have not asked for a reason
She told me that each sweater hides the scars on both her wrists
And her entourage of friends conceals the only one she'll miss
And soon she won't need sweaters, or even a change of clothes
If I had let my eyes decide, I would have never known
I meet so many people but we never truly meet
I jump to my conclusions as I pass them on the street
I'd never ask them questions, I'd simply just assume
That the way the look must dictate who they were straight from the womb
If I had let my eyes decide, how would I see within
How can I find the heart of man, if all I see is skin
Saturday, August 16, 2008
IPOY
August 16, 2008
Open your hearts to us; we have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have taken advantage of no one. I do not say this to condemn you, for I said before that you are in our hearts, to die together and to live together. I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort. With all our affliction, I am overjoyed. (2 Corinthians 7:2-4)
I wish I could have the same spirit as Paul when he speaks to the Christians of various towns. The epistles were written because people we screwing up, making mistakes, being led astray despite his work to show them the accurate gospel of Jesus Christ. And yet, this insane behavior does not create a heart of bitterness in Paul. Instead he states simply, “I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort.”
I wish I could say this to my friends who fall habitually into sin. I wish I could say, “I’m proud of you,” when they start behaving like maniacs. But then again, when I was in my downward spirals, I desperately wanted someone to believe in me. I needed the affirmation of love. So Paul gives. And so I want to give to my friends as well.
When someone believes in you, you can’t help but feel the slightest bit empowered. If someone believes in me, I at least wonder what they could see that perhaps I don’t see. We all need someone to see us beyond ourselves, because way too frequently we’re egotistical cry babies.
Paul says that in Christ, we no longer see the world thru human eyes, but thru the eyes of God. Maybe that’s where believing in sinners comes from. God sees me thru the blood of Christ, not the blood on my hands. I can be proud of my friends, and have confidence in them, because I know the Lord does not give up on those he has called according to His good purpose.
Maybe that’s why Paul can say, “I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort.” Maybe his words weren’t a reflection on their behavior, but a reflection of the hope found in the Holy Spirit that He is faithful to complete the work he began in us. And maybe Paul’s role was not to judge, or to condemn, but to just encourage. To help the people of Corinth see beyond themselves, and to the cross, just like Jesus.
So this gift of encouragement, God…help me be proud of those who have lost their pride, to have confidence in those who have lost heart, and to have comfort for those who can’t stand being in their own skin. If you won’t give up on them, neither shall I.
Open your hearts to us; we have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have taken advantage of no one. I do not say this to condemn you, for I said before that you are in our hearts, to die together and to live together. I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort. With all our affliction, I am overjoyed. (2 Corinthians 7:2-4)
I wish I could have the same spirit as Paul when he speaks to the Christians of various towns. The epistles were written because people we screwing up, making mistakes, being led astray despite his work to show them the accurate gospel of Jesus Christ. And yet, this insane behavior does not create a heart of bitterness in Paul. Instead he states simply, “I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort.”
I wish I could say this to my friends who fall habitually into sin. I wish I could say, “I’m proud of you,” when they start behaving like maniacs. But then again, when I was in my downward spirals, I desperately wanted someone to believe in me. I needed the affirmation of love. So Paul gives. And so I want to give to my friends as well.
When someone believes in you, you can’t help but feel the slightest bit empowered. If someone believes in me, I at least wonder what they could see that perhaps I don’t see. We all need someone to see us beyond ourselves, because way too frequently we’re egotistical cry babies.
Paul says that in Christ, we no longer see the world thru human eyes, but thru the eyes of God. Maybe that’s where believing in sinners comes from. God sees me thru the blood of Christ, not the blood on my hands. I can be proud of my friends, and have confidence in them, because I know the Lord does not give up on those he has called according to His good purpose.
Maybe that’s why Paul can say, “I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort.” Maybe his words weren’t a reflection on their behavior, but a reflection of the hope found in the Holy Spirit that He is faithful to complete the work he began in us. And maybe Paul’s role was not to judge, or to condemn, but to just encourage. To help the people of Corinth see beyond themselves, and to the cross, just like Jesus.
So this gift of encouragement, God…help me be proud of those who have lost their pride, to have confidence in those who have lost heart, and to have comfort for those who can’t stand being in their own skin. If you won’t give up on them, neither shall I.
Monday, August 04, 2008
Shout Out
I just wanted to make a shout out to the woman who waited in the Bruggers store to watch my computer as I was in the bathroom.
Psychology class taught me that you should always designate someone to be in charge of your stuff if you have to leave for a moment. Otherwise, a theif is more likely to succeed in stealing your stuff, even if a slew of people know it doesn't belong to him or her, but you instead. Therefore, I always ask strangers to look out for my stuff if I have to leave. Don't worry, I don't make a habit of this. But when a girls gotta go, a girls gotta go.
So, I write this because in all the hell that is here on earth, there are still heavenly beings willing to lend a helping hand. I chose this lady because I thought she'd be taking more time to eat her sandwich. But while I was gone, she finished, but decided to stick around because she had a responsibility, even though she had every right to renig on that and go on with her evening.
So thank you, helpful lady, for spending few more minutes watching my laptop while I was on the potty. I greatly appreciate you, and hope someone watches out for you as well.
God bless, and be a blessing!
Psychology class taught me that you should always designate someone to be in charge of your stuff if you have to leave for a moment. Otherwise, a theif is more likely to succeed in stealing your stuff, even if a slew of people know it doesn't belong to him or her, but you instead. Therefore, I always ask strangers to look out for my stuff if I have to leave. Don't worry, I don't make a habit of this. But when a girls gotta go, a girls gotta go.
So, I write this because in all the hell that is here on earth, there are still heavenly beings willing to lend a helping hand. I chose this lady because I thought she'd be taking more time to eat her sandwich. But while I was gone, she finished, but decided to stick around because she had a responsibility, even though she had every right to renig on that and go on with her evening.
So thank you, helpful lady, for spending few more minutes watching my laptop while I was on the potty. I greatly appreciate you, and hope someone watches out for you as well.
God bless, and be a blessing!
Friday, August 01, 2008
Choice Between Songs
There are times where you have the responsibility to decide between two choices: will I eat now or have a glass of water? Will I watch Law and Order Criminal Intent or Special Victims Unit? Will I go to sleep or write a blog to express my feelings? Hmm...
Some choices are more difficult, or at least more crucial: Will I decide to talk smack about someone or decide to build them up, even though I feel about "this" small in their eyes? Will I choose to resort to old habits and fixes or quickly exit the screen before I send a message I will regret? Will I dwell on resentment or plead to feel forgiveness?
Tonight, I have a choice between two songs: one about love and friendship, the other about bitternes and disappointment. One song was written early in the morning, and the other song was written to end the evening. One song I felt 12 hours ago, and the other I feel right now. But one song will encourage people who read it, and the other song will just make me feel entitled and potentially make others feel bad, and all so I can have a nice pity party because things don't go my way.
That's a pretty selfish, egotistical justification for behavior.
So, against my true feelings, but in honor of that which I wish I felt, I am posting the first song. Mainly, because the first song (in the end) overrides the latter by a landslide. I dedicate it to all my friends who I hope I never have to let go of. And what's nice is that I don't have to try that hard to hold on, either :) Thanks, girls :)
Best of Conversations
by Elise Hindmarsh, July 31 2008
Is it alright if I stop by for a little while?
Is it enough if I just want to see your smile?
Because tonight I don’t want to say a word
Yet I know that when I’m with you I’ll be heard
Can I come by and crash for a little bit
And not feel the need to entertain the one I’m with
But just sit here on the bed and for once be still instead
Of filling every pause because I’m nervous
And I’ve heard that the best friends to have
Give a shoulder to cry on
Even when hurt in the past
Can still be relied on
And even in silence can have
The best of conversations
And I can tell you all my secrets and believe
That you’ll never bring them back around to haunt me
And you can be my sounding board of truth
And not say that I told you so when you say you knew
And I’ve heard that the best friends to have
Give a shoulder to cry on
Even when hurt in the past
Can still be relied on
And even in silence can have
The best of conversations
So thank you for allowing me to be
Exactly who I am, and still believe in me
And for picking things up from where we left off
And for constantly sending your unrelenting,
Beauty making, penetrating love
And I’ve heard that the best friends to have
Give a shoulder to cry on
Even when hurt in the past
Can still be relied on
And even in silence can have
The best of conversations
Some choices are more difficult, or at least more crucial: Will I decide to talk smack about someone or decide to build them up, even though I feel about "this" small in their eyes? Will I choose to resort to old habits and fixes or quickly exit the screen before I send a message I will regret? Will I dwell on resentment or plead to feel forgiveness?
Tonight, I have a choice between two songs: one about love and friendship, the other about bitternes and disappointment. One song was written early in the morning, and the other song was written to end the evening. One song I felt 12 hours ago, and the other I feel right now. But one song will encourage people who read it, and the other song will just make me feel entitled and potentially make others feel bad, and all so I can have a nice pity party because things don't go my way.
That's a pretty selfish, egotistical justification for behavior.
So, against my true feelings, but in honor of that which I wish I felt, I am posting the first song. Mainly, because the first song (in the end) overrides the latter by a landslide. I dedicate it to all my friends who I hope I never have to let go of. And what's nice is that I don't have to try that hard to hold on, either :) Thanks, girls :)
Best of Conversations
by Elise Hindmarsh, July 31 2008
Is it alright if I stop by for a little while?
Is it enough if I just want to see your smile?
Because tonight I don’t want to say a word
Yet I know that when I’m with you I’ll be heard
Can I come by and crash for a little bit
And not feel the need to entertain the one I’m with
But just sit here on the bed and for once be still instead
Of filling every pause because I’m nervous
And I’ve heard that the best friends to have
Give a shoulder to cry on
Even when hurt in the past
Can still be relied on
And even in silence can have
The best of conversations
And I can tell you all my secrets and believe
That you’ll never bring them back around to haunt me
And you can be my sounding board of truth
And not say that I told you so when you say you knew
And I’ve heard that the best friends to have
Give a shoulder to cry on
Even when hurt in the past
Can still be relied on
And even in silence can have
The best of conversations
So thank you for allowing me to be
Exactly who I am, and still believe in me
And for picking things up from where we left off
And for constantly sending your unrelenting,
Beauty making, penetrating love
And I’ve heard that the best friends to have
Give a shoulder to cry on
Even when hurt in the past
Can still be relied on
And even in silence can have
The best of conversations
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