A Time and a Place

I love the Sunday comics. I don't read the paper much, but I love the comics. Occasionally, I think that the comics hold bits and pieces of profound truth, which says to me that I'm reading something worthwhile, even if its not the political section.

For example, this afternoon I was reading Peanuts. I'm not sure how it is still in circulation as the cartoonist passed away, but I don't loose sleep on it. Anyways, the setting was the typical baseball field, where Charlie pitches and his friends, usually Lucy, are in the outfield.

The first frame shows Lucy ignoring a pop-up, as it falls two inches away from her. Charlie marches over (or so I assume as its hard to see moving action in a frame-by-frame cartoon), and starts chewing her out because she didn't go for the ball. When he demands an answer, Lucy's response is simple: "I was having my quiet time."

Now, in the Christian circle. a quiet time is when we spend time alone with God, separating ourselves from distractions so we can focus solely on talking, meditating, and just "hanging out" with the Lord. I'm sure that Peanuts wasn't using the phrase, "quiet time" in the same way, but it made me think: do we as Christians ignore our responsibilities and justify that by saying, "We were having our quiet time."

More specifically, do we focus so much on our relationship with the Lord and ignore what's going on around us? Do we latch onto the truth that salvation comes from a personal choice to follow Christ, and ignore the equal truth that it should move us to action in our world?

For instance: the two greatest commandments are love God...and then love others. Jesus calls His disciples to Himself...and then calls them to go into the world.

I know I've been feeling like this for a while. I've been more concerned about finding fellowship than thinking that maybe there's some good I can do while I'm waiting. I'm not sure one is better than the other. In fact, I wonder if both are meaningless without the other. And by meaningless, I mean how can we love God and not show that love to others? And how can we love others in a tangible AND eternal ways when we are not in a relationship with the eternal Savior?

We cannot ignore social justice and loving others and justify it saying that we were too busy developing our relationship with the Lord. We also cannot devote our entire lives to social justice, and ignore our relationship with the Lover of the world.

That's what it means to be a Christian. That is how we sum up the law of the Prophets: Love God and love others. Jesus never said we had an option between the two.

A Circus Life - Oakmont

Last night was probably one of the greatest nights of my life. 6 of my friends drove from out of town to put on a benefit concert to raise money for the mission trip I'll be embarking this coming September. Not only that, but 110 people came to the sanctuary to hear the music, to support the mission, and to worship God thru the talents the Lord gave us.

It was also one of the most overwhelming events I've ever experienced...not because it was busy. But because of what it all meant to me afterwards.

I have been so desperate (yes...desperate) for friendship, fellowship, any-ship the past week, that every day I was thinking, "Oh my gosh, my friends are seriously driving into town!" At 5am, Jonathan arrived, and an hour later, the rest (Jeremy, Chris, Aaron, Carrie, Greg) followed suit. I was elated to see them pile out of the car. I'm pretty sure Chris said, "Don't be so cheery." We sat down and ate breakfast, carrying on in delusional conversation, most of which centered around Granny Lisben and sounds coming from the ketchup bottle.

As they were sitting around rehashing road trip stories, all I could do was just soak up every minute of being with them. I couldn't believe that they took 24 hours from their hectic lives(returning from Ghana, a orchestra concert, driving from Kentucky, and others) and come and play music...for free. For friendship. For their artistic selves. For God. For me. I'm sitting on my back porch right, really sad that only 18 hours before they filled these (once again) empty chairs. As I told my mom, I don't miss Bloomington. But man, I miss them so much.

We got to the church, and our worship leader Chad helped set everything up. My parents and sister and kids were running around, picking up doughnuts, setting up merchandise, distributing pledge cards, and finding the "perfect" spot for balloons. For a moment, I felt like the Carter Family band. All of my family was involved, and for nothing in return. I wasn't paying them. I wasn't begging them. I told them they didn't have to do it. But they did. For family. For God. For me. I have never been so appreciative of my family, so cognizant of how blessed I am to have their love and support. Again, overwhelmed.

The shows started at 7:40. We wanted to make sure the stragglers didn't miss the first song :) We came out on stage, and people started clapping. We hadn't even begun playing. I guess they were clapping because of what we were about to play. I dunno.

As I sang the first song, I started noticing faces: Mr and Mrs. Ostrowski, Barb, the Anstis family, Michael and Cindy. When we started "Circus Life" I had to fight back tears. These people, 110 in all, came to hear us. I know this sounds stupid, but it's different playing for peers than adults. I mean, friends support eachother, but adults have lives! They could have done anything that night. They didn't know the band, but they came to hear us. They didn't even have to pay to come. But they did. For music. For God. For worship. For me. Again...overwhelmed.

The concert ended at 10pm. Some of us went swimming, but most went to sleep because of their early drive. Chris and I had a great conversation by the pool. I've always loved him, purely as a brother from another mother. I hope he has some understanding of how much his friendship meant and still means to me, even when we don't talk for extended periods of time. I talked to a girl I used to "mentor" in high school. She's now married to a pastor, another guy I went to school with. It was "interesting" sitting with her again, just because we've changed so much. Growing up is just interesting in general :)

After everyone was asleep, my mom and sat and tallied the support. When we came to the final total, I just burst out crying. Yes...I, Elise Hindmarsh, allowed myself to cry. I couldn't hold it in anymore. The amount of support (both financially and in love) overwhelmed me. My friends drove from three different states to play with me again. My family worked really hard in prep stuff so I could focus on the music aspects. And people actually came to a concert. People paid to hear our music, in donations. People bought the CDs. People wanted us to go on tour, haha. People said they'd pray for me. And no one was forced. No one was guilted. No one was paid. And all of that, combined, made me feel something I haven't felt in a while...

I felt worth it. I felt worth someone's time. I felt worth someone's friendship. I felt my music was worth something to someone. People didn't just come, they worshipped. They didn't just say good job; they looked me in the eye and said they were blessed. My friends didn't just drive in, play and drive out. They laughed with me, talked with me, told me they enjoyed the concert, even when the "agenda" was over. I'm not sure if they know how much those interactions, above the music, meant to me. Especially when I felt I could offer so little in return.

Friday meant a lot more than music. Friday was one of the greatest forms of human love I have ever encountered. I hope that I have been able to express that adequately.

Thanks.

Lonely Nights

The transition back to Oakmont has gone fairly well. But, as to be expected, there have been a few drawbacks.

One, I don't have 3 wonderful roommates that keep me entertained (or should I say, I keep entertained). Basically, I've found myself glued to my computer awaiting a friend to pop onto Skype, Facebook, or send me an email. It's a longing for connection. And probably Connexion as well.

Two, I'm starting to deal with my insomnia again. I can't fall asleep until about 1-2am, and I wake up repeatedly thru the night. That's always annoying, because then I don't actually get out of bed until noon, and I'm exhausted.

Three, I'm having anxiety dreams. Two nights ago, I dreamt that I was on my DTS, but it was set like the Real World, and all the girls hated me, got drunk, and then one made out with my dad. Then I grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against the wall, only to realize that this was all on camera (it was the Real World-DTS I guess), and that I was being a bad witness. Then, last night, I had a dream that I was hallucinating visions of our family friend who just recently passed away. I dreamt that I was having conversations with him, while I knew in the dream he was dead.

Fourth, I'm having trouble praying. I'm so busy "doing" that I don't stop and pray for direction. I suppose this is because I feel I already have my direction. But how often should a Christian pray for direction? When do we know that our wisdom and understanding is from Jesus and not our own? If I feel distant from the Lord, is that just because I'm used to being continuously surrounded by Christians, or that I really am distant from God? If it's only because I'm not in my Christian group now, does that mean that I rely on them too much for my relationship with God?

Ugh, so many questions. Maybe I should just lay in bed and just be still...and wait...and hope to either hear God speak or fall asleep. Does that sound sad?

Crowded in the Closet

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen...

I sat with an old friend at Denny's tonight (do I really have old friends at 23?). He caught me up on the current lives of the crowd we used to run with in early high school. Maybe it was gossip, I dunno. But story after story revealed how far we've all fallen. Ugh, that's a horrible way to say it. The stories I heard showed me how messed up our lives have the potential of becoming. And it's not isolated to certain "stereotypes" we saw in high school.

These are my friends from when we were supposed to be innocent, when the world was at our fingertips, and we all had huge dreams of fantastic things that probably would never be accomplished, and yet should have been enough to have us going someplace. Aim for the moon and if you miss, you'll hit the stars, right? No one suggests that you might fall down with them...

Was the conversation sad? Yes. Were the stories upsetting? But it made me hopeful to see that both of us, who have our fair share of demons to fight, are fighting. That some of us have made it through hell, and are trying in grace to stay out of it. And that either hearing or being a part of those stories, we still love the people in them. Not pity. I love them because I was them 8 years ago, and I am them now. We are no different, except for what we choose to settle for.

So it only seems appropriate that I share with all of you my most recent song. Jesus said that when we pray, we are to go in our rooms, or as some say, prayer closets. I have a lot of praying to do. I have to pray for myself, for my friends, for this screwed up world which honestly sucks sometimes. And guess what? We're not alone, whether we're the one praying or being prayed for. There are plenty of other people who are in the same boat...or closet. Pick whatever illustration you want.

Oh and I say this with as much pleading as a person can on a blog: do not be the friend who 8 years from now, your friends ask, "What happened....?" Fight it. Fight the complacency, the abuse, the crap that all the after school specials talked about. It's not worth it, and you are worth more. It will catch up with you, as it caught up with all of us. Shoot for the moon, and for Christ's sake (literally), get there. Just get there.

Crowded in the Closet
close the door, it's time to hide
come and seek and you will find
you're not the only one inside
it's awfully crowded
it's awfully crowded in the
it's awfully crowded in the closet

saints and sinners, lovers, whores
broken, prostrate on the floor
dust and ashes, garmets torn
it's awfully crowded
it's awfully crowded in the
it's awfully crowded in the closet

found yourself too far from home
wandering for a place to go
feeling lost, betrayed, alone
oh, we're not alone
it's awfully crowded
it's awfully crowded in the
it's awfully crowded in the closet

Rainbows in the Storm

I drove back to Pittsburgh from IU this afternoon. As the afternoon progressed, the rainy weather did as well. The clouds in front of me, originally the "mashed potato clouds" I love so much, turned a bit more "impending doom clouds" than I don't like so much.

The sky turned darker, the the rain starting picking up. I looked in the rearview mirror to see that the sky behind me was a pretty pale blue, and the sun was starting to set as well. But the view in front of me was turning a grey-pink/orange/red mixture. I'm not sure I've ever seen it before in my life.

Yet as the "impending doom clouds" kept approaching, I saw a rainbow forming. What was really cool was that as I drove toward it, it got even bigger. What was even sweeter was that I realized that the rainbow arched COMPLETELY over my car, making a complete 1/2 circle on the horizon. And so this huge rainbow kept getting bigger, just as the storm threat fron the storm grew bigger. Seriously, it seemed like EVERYTHING was getting more intense: the shades of the colors, the clouds, the rain, the rainbow...

I couldn't help but sense the application of this scene to life. According to the Bible, the rainbow was God's visual promise that he would not flood the earth again, destroying all life. I can't imagine Noah's relief upon seeing the rainbow when it rained after the flood, considering the first time it rained, all life was wiped out minus his personal SS Minnow.

So what about those times in our lives, when we see the impending doom clouds and the threat of storms...do we see God's faithfulness, or only see the circumstances? Do we look for the rainbow, or focus on the darkening sky? Do we realize that God's faithfulness extends ACROSS the horizon, and cannot be fully hidden from us by any clouds, trials, demons, life, or death?

I don't, but I pray that God would show me how.

Spirit of Knowledge

I am totally open to any correction in my logic for this blog. But regardless if I'm wrong or right, it was pretty awesome :)

We were in Bible Study, talking about angels. Interesting topic. Now, anyone who has been in a Bible study with me knows that I'm a talker. I'm always willing to dive in, ask the odd questions, apply with examples, etc. Well, at this particular moment we were reading the story of when Satan intices David to take a census of the town. I've read the story several times, and usually asked the same question: "God, why was this such a big deal?"

I had a feeling that this question might be posed. Immediately I could feel myself want to answer this hypothetically asked question. But then, I came to the Lord. "God, I confess that I am not a biblical scholar, nor do I have any understanding of the purpose of Old Testament censuses, nor do I know why it was bad to take one aside from the fact that you said no. So, in light of this, I'm going to sit this question out. But could you make it a bit clearer?"

So I started reading the passage, and as I read, new implications of the text started to fill my mind. The logic began to flow like a staircase: each step led to another, higher step. I saw that in taking a census, David was (in a sense) calculating all he had, his manpower, and that this knowledge could cause him to rely on this census, not on the Lord's provision. It could cause a person to say, "Oh no, I need more people" or "I am a weak kingdom" or "I am the most fantabulous ruler in the world!!!"

So as these ideas arranged themselvs in my mind, I still maintained a humble silence, because these ideas were (of course) my own, not from a seminary. How could I offer such "insight" as "wisdom" when I didn't even study this?

But then David, another member of our study, who has GONE to seminary, started answering this question, and his words were the thoughts in my head! I mean, literally! He said exactly what I was thinking!!

This incident reminded me that knowledge and wisdom is from the Lord. It also confirmed that I do believe that one of my gifts of the Spirit is knowledge, which is different from wisdom. The gift may not have fully matured, but I do believe that what happened this evening was from God. Not subconcious knowledge, not context clues, because I have never heard this talked about AND I had read this several times before.

No, this knowledge of OT census consequences was from God. Praise be to Him!

Dear God...

Dear God,
There are about 3 more whole days left in Bloomington. I am so ready to go home.

I've started packing, and I look at all my belongings and think, "Why do I need these? Do I really use them?" I have tons of books that I've never read, but for some reason convince myself to keep them because I'll for sure read them. I have clothes that I rarely wear, but convince myself that someday I'll either fit in them or remember that they do go with those ONE pair of pants I have. I look at my papers, and wonder, do I even read these? Are they useful? Will I even remember that I have them?

In my preparation for New Zealand, You have reminded me of how much you have provided. How much I am blessed beyond the comprehension of those I may be minsitering to in 5 months. It's almost shameful. I wish that I could carry all of these clothes over to them, but then, what do Fijians need with long sleeve shirts and IU sweatshirts? There has got to be better use for them than Goodwill.

Father, you are showing me humility. Pressing it upon my heart like a weight, and yet I have yet to fall to my knees because of it. I guess falling to my laptop to write this prayer to you is a start. A fellow missionary asked for humility to learn from all of us, as she was the youngest. How ironic...I have been praying for humility so I can learn from those younger than me. I still struggle with age = maturity/wisdom. You've shown me over the years that the equation is certainly not true.

Through Facebook so many of us have gotten in touch already. I ask that You would bind my heart to desire only to know and pray for these people, not to make assumptions of their character and imagine who they will be when we meet. I also ask for strong community, by the power of your Holy Spirit, not by the niceities of being proper and polite. We can all see from the Real World that it never lasts anyways.

What does it mean to be in tune with Your will? What does it mean to follow the Holy Spirit? How do I recognize His promptings? Is it the voice in my head or the stirring of my heart, both of which can be labelled either hallucinations or emotional distraction. I saw a lady in Chicago who appeared to be carrying on conversations with real people, only I couldn't see them. From the psychiatric perspective one would immediately say, "Auditory and visual hallucinations." But how different am I than her, at least to the beholder? Writing this blog and saying words to a being that I cannot see, let alone anyone else.

Sometimes I'd really like to be in Moses' sandals. To see just a glimpse of your glory. Just a strand of Your robe. Just a flicker of the light that radiates from You. Just a note of your voice. Are you a soprano, or a bass? Your voice thunders, so probably a bass, huh? Do you sing? Can you beatbox? Haha, I bet you're awesome.

My friend told me today that she doesn't understand why I didn't run from her and her friendship. Lord, I'm not sure why you run to me, a prodigal daughter, wasting her pearls on swine, and yet whining and screaming out your name to come to my rescue.

George Carlin died yesterday. I saw his interview on the Actors Studio. They showed a clip about his rant on religion, where He says that religion convinced us that there's an invisible man in the sky, and among other things, needs our money. God, I know that you don't need money. You asked who could repay you? I think you told Job that you didn't need the blood of lambs or cattle offerings, because all the cattle of the hills are yours. But in raising support, it is obvious that your work on earth requires money, or at least a lot of it does. Money makes the world go around, and to travel to the unreached cities, one must fly or boat, which requires money. But it can't be You who needs it, as it is You who causes our hearts to give it to others who will use it for Your purposes. If you needed money, we'd put it in the offering plates and leave it in a backroom, never touching it. I guess I just feel sad that George Carlin felt betrayed by you, because I think that means we betrayed him somehow. Somehow we failed to show him, and others, who you really are.

I've hidden your word in my heart, but I pray that I do not keep it there only.

Love you.

Nothing Comes Out Right

I leave Bloomington in 10 days. I wouldn't say I'm thrilled, but I'm ready to move on. Not from the people...I wish I could take most of them with me. But I suppose hellos and goodbyes are a natural part of growing up. But it's interesting to me how hard it has been to say both of these to this same group of people.

It was hard to say, "hello...I'm welcoming you into my messed up world, full of baggage, clutter, and explosions. I'm going to take the chance that you'll either slam the door in my face or run away screaming. I'm going to risk exposing parts of me that no one has ever seen, and those few who have rejected. Hello, I'm Elise."

And now it's hard to say, "goodbye...it was absolutely wonderful having you as a friend. So wonderful that I wish I would have said hello earlier. Thanks for walking with me, talking with me, putting up with me, carrying me when I couldn't walk, and listening when all I could do what talk. Thanks for loving me for who I was, and loving me more by not letting me stay that way. I'll never forget you, even when I'm old and might forget your name."

And I know that this coming year will be full of hellos: hello New Zealand, hello new country, hello Jesus, hello fellow missionaries, hello Pittsburgh friends, hello family, hello graduate schools, hello 14 hour plane ride...but all I can think about are the goodbyes. I guess my optimism does have an end somewhere.

So yeah..if I haven't told you all how much you mean to me, I'm trying. It's just really hard. Maybe I'll write all of you cards or something. Until then, here's a song. It kind of sums it up, minus here or there.

i don't know how to say goodbye

the leaves must turn, the wind must blow
the heart must learn when its time for the heart to let go
but when i think of you, my heart knows why
i don't know how to say goodbye

the world moves on with no regret
and though you're gone, there are feelings i'll never forget
so i'll remember you, and though i try
i don't know how to say goodbye

the house we used to share still looks as if you're there
and i won't change a single thing
not even the wedding ring i wear

the evenings fall much harder now
the stars grow small and the moon seems to different somehow
but everytime i think of you, the moon and i
no, you're the only reason why
i don't know how to say goodbye

Choosing Life

This is not a political blog post to defend and refute pro-choice and pro-life. In fact, it is a pratical blog post that hopefully will encourage you to be pro-choice in being pro-life. Confused? Good.

This idea about choice and life are two major questions I have been asking myself. Do I have choice? Where do I find true life? What do I choose? What life am I living? On the surface, these questions seem to have simple answers. But since when do I settle for simple answers? *scoffs*

My pastor recently rebuked me (in his gentle wise fashion) that when I choose one thing, I am not choosing another. Obvious? Maybe. For example, if I choose to watch Law and Order SVU, I am NOT choosing to spend 1 hour of good conversation to encourage and be encouraged by a friend. Is one better than the other? Perhaps, but I wouldn't necessarily call either "wrong."

A more poinient example. If I choose sinful behavior (sexual, addictive, pride, anger), I am NOT choosing God, or the lifestyle that can encourage, honor, inspire others.

And something is lost there. I choose one thing, I lose out on the other. Because I made the chioce. Not that it was a punishment and God was like, "Bad Elise! Now you don't get this." No, it was my choice because I chose to.

It's like what we tell kids when they're young. "You have two options: You can choose to be angry and miss recess, or you can choose to say your sorry and play with the group."

Even better, more personal example. When I was in preschool, I had the following conversation with my teacher:

Me: Teacher, the kids won't play what I want to play.
Teacher: Well, Elise, maybe you could choose to go over and play what they're playing

Me: *sigh* I don't think I can do that. *walks to bench and sits alone for the remainder of recess*

What a lonely, miserable choice! I was so fixated on what I wanted to do that I gave up the opportunity to play with my friends. I chose to be isolated and alone, and totally missed out on 20 minutes of life.

Do I still do that?

There are choices I have made that have cost me wonderful precious moments in life. And many of those moments I was still physically present, but my heart and mind were somewhere else. When I sin and choose temporary satisfaction, my heart and mind are often haunted with that regret, and I can't fully enjoy the true joyful life that I am meant to live. When I choose life, I can fully invest myself, heart body and soul, without feeling like I've given part of me away to someone or something else that really had not intention of sticking around.

Here's an interesting point: Do we actually get to CHOOSE what we do? Is it part of some pre-organized plan? My answer...

Blah Blah Blah...

Honestly, as much as I am into theology and deep discussions, I think we can all agree that we come across many forks in the road and have to make a decision. God calls us to be active in our choices, informed in our decisions, and trusting Him and relying on the Spirit. For example.

The Lord says, "I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore CHOOSE life, that you and your offspring may live, LOVING the Lord your God, OBEYING His voice and holding fast to Him, for He is the life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them." (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

Matthew 7:8 For everyone who ASKS receives, and the one who SEEKS finds, and to the one who KNOCKS it will be opened.

Notice God calls these people in both verses to do something. All of these are action verbs, and so we should NOT resign to thinking we have no control or responsibility in whether we can choose a life of God and purpose or choose a life of sin and futility.

So my challenge to all of us and myself is to be pro-choice. We should make the commitment to choose what is good, pure, holy, beneficial, appropriate, joyful, honorable, moral. And in those moments of complete confusion, praying for the Holy Spirit to guide us in the right direction, and if we make the wrong choice, show us and lead us out!

I challenge all of us to be pro-life. Jesus said, "The thief (the devil, false prophets) comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10) The Devil, false religions, and smooth talkers seeking self satisfaction offer nothing good. They come to steal our joy, kill our lives, and destroy our souls. Jesus says that no only did He come to earth to give us life, but to give us life ABUNDANTLY. Overflowing with joy, love, hope, faith, and FUN.

Today I felt that joy when facilitating our middle school and senior high youth group in leading worship for our church. I have not had that much fun in a LONG time, that even now, 12 hours afterwards, I am still oozing with joy and love for them and My Heavenly Father for what He did. That is abundant life!

Which would you rather have?

...therefore CHOOSE LIFE, that you and your offspring may live... He is the life and length of days...

Be pro-choice and choose true life. Surprise surprise, your life will be better for it :)

The Spider and the Fly

The Spider and the Fly
Mary Howitt

Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly,
'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to shew when you are there."

Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."


"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the Spider to the Fly.
"There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!"

Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "for I've often heard it said,
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!"


Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, " Dear friend what can I do,
To prove the warm affection I 've always felt for you?
I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice;
I'm sure you're very welcome -- will you please to take a slice?"

"Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "kind Sir, that cannot be,
I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!"


"Sweet creature!" said the Spider, "you're witty and you're wise,
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!
I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,
If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."

"I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you 're pleased to say,
And bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day."


The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again:
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly.
Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,
"Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing;
Your robes are green and purple -- there's a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue --
Thinking only of her crested head -- poor foolish thing! At last,
Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast.
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,
Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again!


And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.

You're a Grown-Up...really?

As a lyricist, I really enjoy songs of social commentary. For example, I love Nickelback's "Rock Star." Superficially, it describes why "we all just wanna be big rock stars" but if you listen closer to the lyrics and how they are delivered, you start realizing its mocking the rock star/celebrity lifestyle. Wikipedia backs me up, so it must be true.

So how fitting, while trying to write a "coming of age song," that I write a commentary on the graduation from college into the real world. Many of my friends have graduated and say they now have a "grown up job" and I echo that remark. But what makes us grown up? I mean, even when we reach the "grown up age" a lot of us are still acting like kids. And I feel I should know as I work daily with both (meaning both kids and adults, not kid-like adults and adult-like kids...)

More specifically, we come to college as teens, exit as adults, and yet...why are we suddenly deemed adults? Because we have a diploma? Because we're now 22-27 (depending on when you start)? Because that's what's expected of society? Because there's nothing else to call us?

In my child language development class, we often talked about the difference between chronological age and mental age. I think many in my generation are suffering from this in a more psychological than developmental sense. I've heard it describe as extended adolescence. And I have my moments as well...quite a few actually.

So here is my social commentary song, a satire of college/adult life. I dedicate this to all my friends who have just graduated from good ole "Blooming Town."

Blooming Town

we come here in mass
top of the class
caught up in our own little worlds

we leave looking back
gather up all the slack
sent off as the new and improved generation
or at least an imitation of

a grown up now
but how'd I grow up?
sitting in the back row chairs
asleep unaware?
that I was grown up now
but how'd I grow up?
writing the final page
of the paper due yesterday?
I'm grown up now
but how'd I grow up?
out late on a Thursday night
walk in late for my 9am
How did I grow up again?

we come here to learn
with the bees and the birds
and some books on the side

and we leave here to learn
there's still so much to learn
that was never explained in the books
life is harder than it looks

I'm a grown up now
But how'd I grow up?
sitting in the back row chairs
asleep unaware?
that I'm a grown up now
but how'd I grow up?
writing that final page
of the paper due yesterday?
I'm grown up now
but how'd I grow up?
out late on a Thursday night
walk in late for my 9am
How did I grow up again?

when I was young and I saw them, i thought
surely they must be so mature
but now that I'm them, I see once again
that age doesn't dictate how you act anymore

I'm a grown up now
But how'd I grow up?
sitting in my cubicle chair
asleep unaware?
that I'm a grown up now
but how'd i grow up?
working the 9-5
somehow means i'm alive and
I'm a grown up now
but how'd I grow up?
out late on Thursday night
clock in late for the 9am
How did I grow up again?

How did I grow up again?
How did I grow up again?

Is this...Part II

Praise, O servants of the Lord,
Praise the name of the Lord!
Blessed be the name of the Lord
From this time forth and forever.
From the rising of the sun to its setting
the name of the Lord is to be praised.
The Lord is high above all nations;
His glory is above the heavens.
Who is like the Lord our God,
Who is enthroned on high,
Who humbles Himself to behold the things
that are in heaven and in the earth...

....whaaaa?

I was reading this psalm this afternoon when I woke up (yes...this afternoon...3pm to be exact). No reason in particular. This was the first page or so that I turned to in the Bible. So I started reading, and honestly, nothing was really all that surprising.

"The Lord is to be praised!" -- Check
"Blessed be His name" -- yup, I sing that song
"From the rising of the sun to its setting" -- let me finish the song, His love endures forever...

But then I read verse 6: Who humbles Himself to behold the things that are in heaven and in the earth.

He is humbled?
He humbles HIMSELF?
He does this so that He can BEHOLD non-god things?
He wants to behold ME?

I was dumbfounded. As I continued to think about this verse, I started wondering. "Is humility an act of grace? Does God show His grace by humbling Himself, something that He has absolutely every right to refuse?

Its hard for me to picture the Lord as humble, even though He demonstrated that to the fullest by sending His Son Jesus Christ as a man to die for our sins. I mean, He didn't just humble himself to behold us, Christ humbled Himself to beCOME us. That's amazing grace.

But what else is part of this grace? If humility is an act of grace, what else is involved? The Psalm gives 3 clear components to grace, or at least so it seems to me:

1. Grace is shown in humility

I think I've seen grace as an act of power. "I am the ALMIGHTY AND POWERFUL OZ!! Bow down and worship me, and I will pardon your sins. EVIL INFEDEL!!" But this psalm clearly shows that grace is an act of humility. The Lord humbles himself to be hold us, to have mercy on us, because really the minute we reject His holiness, we're good to go to the gallows. So forgiveness, grace, is given in humility, not an act that we can Lord over someone.

2. Grace restores honor

Continuing on the theme of "lording" grace over someone, Psalm 113 shows that God not only stoops down to behold us, but he lifts us back up. And not only to the place we were, but to higher places.

He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap, to make them sit with princes, with the princes of His people.

God restores our honor when He delivers grace. I've found this applying significantly lately. I royally screwed up a week ago, allowing my sin to totally lead me places I never thought myself capable. And yet, 2 days later, I was being encouraged as a "worshipper of God", "a blessing," "an inspiring woman of Christ." And my reaction was, "Do you know who you're talking to?"

And God says, "Yes, they do." They are talking to a sinner who saved by grace. It is by Christ's redemptive power and the Holy Spirit's regeneration that I can be used for any good that touches the heart and soul. In my last post, I put the lyrics of my most recent song, and one line says, "How can healing words come from unholy lips?" It is only because of the Lord. I am lifted to a place of honor, not as a God but as His servant, because of God's grace. I sit among princes because of God's grace. I am honored as being used for His glory by God's grace. What amazing Grace.

3. Grace restores joy.

Verse 9 says, "He makes the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children." As a woman in Biblical times, you did NOT want to be barren. I'm pretty sure that you were seen as useless. And what greater joy and honor than to have children, let alone male children. And so here, God shows his grace restores the joy of those who are incapable of doing it themselves.

Again, when I forgive someone, when I show grace to someone, I so often want to make it clear to them that they were wrong, I was right, and I'm doing them a favor. That doesn't really promote joy. And although Christ reminds us that it is through grace that we are saved, He always reaffirms our status with Him: that because of Him, we are holy, restored, righteous, loved, affirmed, and wanted. Because of His grace, we are beheld by Him ;) What amazing Grace.


I've always felt that the song Amazing Grace was overplayed. But I was blind, and now I see, that it was my lack of comprehension of grace that I could not appreciate the song. The apostle Paul says that the greater the sin, the greater the grace. Jesus also spoke a parable about how greater love is from those who have been forgiven much.

And so here I am: becoming more and more aware of the power, love, and humility of the Grace God offers me. He humbles Himself to behold me, restores my honor so that I am not wallowing in shame, and restores my joy by using me for His glory which I am incapable of doing on my own.


Amazing Grace.

She's Leaving Home...

She's leaving home
after living alone
for so many years...

A thunderclap has just sounded over our elementary school. *Laugh* Quite the drumroll or way of saying, "ATTENTION! Elise is not coming back...yet"

This September, I will be flying across the ocean to Matamata, New Zealand, as part of a Discipleship Training Program (DTS) with Youth With a Mission (YWAM)...try to keep up with the initials. This DTS is a program designed to train young adults in their Christian faith, immersing them in training, lectures, and studies with the pillars of the faith. This training is then followed by a three month outreach, and with my program, in Australia, New Zealand, or Fiji (whichever they place you). I'm very excited, and nervous...but mostly inquisitive, I suppose.

What's really awesome about my particultar program is that it has a "music flavour," where my extra activities will be designed around worship and the facilitation of worship for the program. Woo hoo!

Okay, so seriously now, what does a Beatle's song have to do with this (besides the obvious leaving theme?) I think the Beatle's were working on the irony that someone could be alone in a home for so many years. I've chose the opposite irony for myself: After living alone for so many years, distancing myself from people, afraid of friendships, and never becoming attached to anyone or anything, I finally found a "home" in Bloomington. And now I'm leaving. But I'm actually LEAVING...let me explain more.

The semantics of leaving vs. exiting is very important to me. For most of my life I have made exits: exit stage right, exit the building, exiting cities. There was no form of attachment, no personal facet to these departures. But now I'm leaving: I'm leaving people and places that I finally call home. And for the first time in nearly a decade, I'm actually sad...and I don't know exactly how to handle this.

I don't like showing I am sad. To me it reveals that you mean enough to me to alter the way I feel. You affect me. You have some power over me. It denotes weakness. Okay, maybe not, but for a decade it did mean that. And now, at the age of 23, after relearning how to be a friend and often failing miserably, but continuing to grow and try try again, I have to leave behind the people I have finally allowed myself to care about. And to say I care about them is hard too.

Not only that, but the people I have associated with Bloomington are becoming individuals, not longer a collective "Bloomington people". Some are leaving town all together, some to different cities and some to different countries. Others are changing their vocational identity: I have one friend who I have known as music for the past 2 years, and now he's going into optometry. Quoi?? That's not who you are...or at least who I have known you to be...

So often I have been the pioneer of adventure, and everyone maintained their normalcy. I would leave town, and return, and nothing would change. The faces are the same, the businesses are the same, and so on. But now, I go home, and I don't recognize people at my church. My friends back home in Pittsburgh are growing apart. My best friend now lives in New York. When did everyone decide to move on, too?

So I don't know how to say goodbye. I don't know how to end this chapter of my life. Part of me wants to escape and slip away without people knowing. Then I don't have to face it. The other part of me wants to be around the people I love every hour of everyday, because then I can create the allusion that they're not leaving. Neither is feasible or logical. But how do you say goodbye when you've never really said it before?

I finally have a home, and now I'm leaving. Ironic, isn't it? Am I coming back? The tenative plan is no. I'm applying to grad schools all over the country for speech pathology. Maybe I'll be called to full time international ministry. Maybe my CD will skyrocket off the charts while I'm away.

I have no way to end this blog. I told you I'm bad with goodbyes.

is this...

They say I touch them, and I'm a blessing

And their praise puts me to shame

How can healing words come from unholy lips

How can the dumb and blind lead the lame

Maybe there is more

Maybe this is more than me...

How can you still use me

After I've allowed myself

to be used by everyone else

How can you still choose me

After I have made the choice

to go against the still, small voice in my heart

How can you still want me

When there has to be

a thousand faithful ones to take my place

Is this real? A final warning? A mistake?

Is this grace?

The God of Israel, the Lord of Jacob

The Lord of the redeemed and the liars

Is that who I am? who you call me

As I leap head first into the fire?

Maybe there is more

Maybe this is more than me...

How can you still use me

After I've allowed myself

to be used by everyone else

How can you still choose me

after I have made the choice

to go against the still small voice in my heart

How can you still want me

When there has to be

A thousand faithful ones to take my place

Is this real? A final warning? A mistake?

Is this grace?

I have unholy lips

I have a cheating heart

I have a liars tongue

I have nothing

I have unholy lips

I have a cheating heart

I have a liars tongue

I have nothing

Maybe there is more

Maybe this is more than me...

How can you still use me

after I've allowed myself

to be used by everyone else

How can you still choose me

after I have made the choice

To go against the still small voice in my heart

How can you still want me

when there has to be

a thousand faithful ones to take my place

Is this real? A final warning? A mistake?

Is this grace?

What is Covetting?

I discovered two nights ago that I have fallen victim to the sin of covetting. Unfortunately (or a blessing in disguise?) I had no idea how to approach irradicating myself from this sin. I don't recall talking in church much about covetting, nor approaching the subject in Bible studies. Even talking with friends didn't really seem to shed any light on how to "not covet."

So, I went to the last place I could think of: The Bible. Should have been the first, I know.

I looked up the word "covet" in the topical index on Biblegalaxy.com. The first reference to this topic was Genesis 3:6 about Eve eating the apple.

"When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it." Genesis 3:6, NIV

Wow...what a verse to start with. The root of covetting starts in the garden: Eve sees an fruit, not just ANY fruit, THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT, and takes it. What's interesting is that there were plenty of legitament reasons to want the fruit: nutrition, looked good, provided something she lacked. And yet it came down to this: God had said no beforehand. Eve just saw the potential of such a fruit. God saw the actual.

Lesson one, for me at least: realizing that so often I see the potential in things I desire, while the Lord sees the big picture. He sees how a person, event, material item fits into the grand scheme of things in His plan for my life. While I only see the immediate, how it looks NOW. So technically NOW it will do fine, but later...what is beyond my understanding...well, we saw what happened to the rest of mankind when Eve lived in the "now".

But covetting goes beyond just desire. It is desiring a specific thing that is not mine and yet I demand and devise how to take it anyway. But why is this so tempting? Why do I want things that are not mine?

My college pastor said that all sin has this root: lack of faith in the Lord. So then I started wondering, where is my lack of faith when I covet? I found 3 main areas:

1. I lack the faith that the Lord knows my needs to fulfill His purpose on this earth.
2. I lack faith that the Lord has currently provided what is necessary for me to live His purupose right now.
3. I lack faith that the Lord will satisfy and provide my needs to fulfill His purpose in the future.

And the overarching lack of faith is this: that God made a mistake when distributing gifts, both spiritual and material, to His people. The video commerical above ended with Sarah Jessica Parker saying, "I had to have it." Apparently God didn't know that SJP would die without the perfume. That's crap. But, how often do I say, "Lord, I had to have it!" when I disobediently attempt to have what was not meant to be mine? If I had to have it, the Lord would have provided, either by prompting someone else, giving it Himself, or prompting me in a way that was honoring Him and keeping in line with His commandments.

So identifying these pitfalls has allowed me to search the Scriptures for both promises, warnings and encouragments in my Spirit-filled fight against covetedness. I pray that these verses help arm you as well if you ever find yourself in this battle.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." - Hebrews 13:5

People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. - 1 Timothy 6:9

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. - Psalm 90:14

You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all His ways and loving toward all He has made. - Psalm 145:16-17

The fear of the Lord leads to life: then one rests content, untouched by trouble. - Proverbs 19:23

The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your fram. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose water never fails. - Isaiah 58:11

Am Not!!!

There are certain colloquial phrases that belong to children:

"Redo!"
"Why?"
"Nuh-uh"
"I'm going to tell my dad"
etc.

The one that comes to mind tonight is: "AM NOT!!"

This phrase is often said in response to some lame kid calling you some lame name, or ascribing some negative attribute to you that, in your opinion, isn't true. Or accuses you of something that you'd rather not be accused of.

Tonight, I have this overwhelming urge to rebuke the lies from Satan, my head, and my heart, using this powerful youthful phrase. So here goes:

You are a mistake...AM NOT!
You are a whore...AM NOT!
You are a slave to your habitual downfalls...AM NOT!
You are unworthy of love...AM NOT!
You are a waste of time...AM NOT!
You are a selfish brat who cares only about herself...AM NOT!
You are a disappointment to the Lord...AM NOT!
You are a disappointment to your parents...AM NOT!
You are too bold, too outspoken, and too lively for anyone to handle...AM NOT!
You are consumed with the spotlight...AM NOT!
You are too analytical...AM NOT!
You are too much of a sinner to ever be used for good..AM NOT!
You are destined to be ineffective...AM NOT!
You are a loser...AM NOT!
You are a fake...AM NOT!
You are a hypocrite...AM NOT!
You are living a lie...AM NOT!
You are without self-control..AM NOT!
You are too impatient, which is why good things never come...AM NOT!
You are weak...AM NOT!
You are foolish...AM NOT!
You are beyond hope...AM NOT!!!!

Take that Satan! And if you try it again, I'm going to tell my Dad!

*phew* I feel better :)

Free to Rest

Rest...I know nothing of the word.

Even in sleeping I am awake, dreaming constantly about unaccomplished endevors, unresolved conflicts, unanswered questions, and sometimes about talking cows. My subconscious is always roaring, and when I wake up, my body meets the thunder and I am pounding away again at life. Even on breaks my mind continues to analyze, scrutinize, plan from every angle for the next move.

And there is always a next move.

Silence...I know nothing of the word.

I was told to be silent when I was in trouble, so silence was always a punishment. It was used to stifle creativity, to stop productivity. I mean, consider preschool: FREEZE! Meant stop the fun you're having and start cleaning up because we're going to move onto something that is much less interesting than the playdough with which you were constructing the next architectural masterpiece...or that you were eating.

This busy bee spent her spring break hours on the phone planning, sending emails, meeting with pastors, delivering posters, buying stamps for support letters, designing publicity tools, army rolling into male bathrooms to post flyers, and all the while wondering, "What is this break of which the school districts speak?" When asked how my spring break was, my response was simply, "I spent my time doing what I don't have time to do."

And yet the Lord of the Universe, who is constantly working in the lives of His children and even those who are not consciously seeking Him, commands us to rest. Encourages us to break. To take the ultimate piece of that KitKat Bar and just be still...to just be.

To be or not to be...that is the question.

The Lord introduced (and reintroduced) some stories and verses that have a common theme for me. They are both convicting as they are inspiring. Maybe you'll find them the same.

"Thus I will establish My covenant with you, and you shall know that I am the LORD, so that you may remember and be ashamed and never open your mouth anymore because of your humiliation, when I have forgiven you for all that you have done," the Lord GOD declares." Ezekiel 16:62-63

When He (Jesus) got out of the boat, immediately a man from the tombs with an unclean spirit met Him, and he had his dwelling among the tombs. And no one was able to bind him anymore, even with a chain; because he had often been bound with shackles and chains, and the chains had been torn apart by him and the shackles broken in pieces, and no one was strong enough to subdue him. Constantly, night and day, he was screaming among the tombs and in the mountains, and gashing himself with stones...(Jesus casts out the demons)...and the people came to see what it was that had happened. They came to Jesus and observed the man who had been demon-possessed sitting down, clothed and in his right mind, the very man who had had the "legion"; and they became frightened. (Mark 5:2-5, 14-16)

These stories represent to me the amazing reign of the Prince of Peace. I understand that peace does not always manifest itself outwardly, but wow...it certainly can. The entire chapter of Ezekiel 16 personifies the way the Lord rescued and raised Israel, transforming a blood soaked, screaming, wriggling baby into a beautiful, royal, perfect woman ALL BY HIS GRACE. And then in her pride and vanity, whore herself, running wild with lust, idolatry, and human sacrifice that made Sodom look like Mayberry. But then the Lord redeems her, in justice and rebuke, but none the less redeems her. And her response: humble silence.

The demon possessed man, wild and violent, whom no person or iron shackle could contain, is brought to his knees before Jesus even says a word, and then sits silently by His feet after being delivered from the possession. Eventually he goes to preach to his village about Jesus' miracle, so he is not silent forever, but still...the manifestation of peace with God and the world.

Shalom.

I really covet that peace. I covet the ability to visually show the world that I trust in God's sovereignty in my life and plans. I'm tired of saying, "I have peace" and then running around like a mad woman. I just want to BE still AND know that He is God. I want my mind to "turn off."

I want to be free.

So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed. - John 8:36

Responding to Responsibility

I told my mom recently that I didn't like being a grown up because it meant that I had to be in charge of taking care of things, and I'd much rather be taken care of. I'd much rather have my mom and dad take care of my finances, dinner, handling my schedule, and calling the parents of kids who are mean to me.

I know, I'm dreaming.

But this transition from collegehood to adulthood is difficult, especially when I go from taking care of myself to taking care of others. My job requires me to constantly put my children first, which is hard when I'm used to working on my own agenda. But I do it.

And this benefit concert that I'm putting together is not just arranging my schedule, but juggling 7 other people's schedule, alone with a church, power point (oh crap, I forgot to write out the powerpoint), and adjusting based on their agendas. It sucks, but I do it.

I haven't felt very equipped for doing all of this. I don't feel like I'm very responsible, especially in moments where I realize I forgot to do something, or a schedule doesn't work out. I especially feel irresponsible when my reaction is to flip out, instead of handling it like an "adult" and calmly fixing the problem.

In short, I don't feel like I micromanage very well, and thus the whole future is going to fall apart, away from God's will, and I'm going to end up living in some van down by the river.

But then I recently started to wonder, "Am I making a bigger deal of this than necessary? I mean, what would Jesus do?" Or more accurately speaking, what does Jesus say?

Somewhere in the Bible is a verse that describes how we are responsible for the Lords' "revealed will." For the life of me I cannot find the specific verse, but I know it's there, because those words wrapped around my heart and haven't let go since.

So often I worry about marriage, money, jobs, and how my choices now will affect my future. But I am so focused on that future choice, that I forget where I am. For instance, I became obsessed on how I was going to be holy in a dating relationship. But I wasn't even dating anyone! I mean, it's good to think about it, but I was freaking out! Then the Holy Spirit whispered, "Elise, how will you remain holy now in your singleness? How will you be holy now in your job? In your friendships?"

Right now I'm planning for a benefit concert, and all my thoughts and energy are getting to that date. But then I forget that I have 40hr full time job that requires MORE of my attention. Not that it is bad to be planning ahead for my mission work, but I can't let it interfere with the revealed will of my current employment.

I guess the point of it all is this: we cannot attempt to be faithful with what we do not have when we are not faithful with what has already been given. It is a fruitless effort to try and control that which is not even in our hands yet.

Then again, we can't control it anyways...

How will I honor the Lord now? How will I serve him now? How will I be faithful now? These are the questions I need to be asking myself daily. And there are plenty of times to ask these questions.

Be responsible for what the Lord has shown you today. Then do the same when He shows you something new tomorrow.

Matthew 6:31-34, Amplified Version

Therefore do not worry and be anxious, saying, What are we going to have to eat? or, What are we going to have to drink? or, What are we going to have to wear?

For the Gentiles (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows well that you need them all.

But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.

So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.

Old habits die hard

When I was in preschool, I asked a boy if I could play with his blocks. He ignored me. Wrong answer. I bit him.

In kindergarten, I told my teacher the kids wouldn't play my game. She said I should ask to play what they were playing. Wrong answer. I sat on the bench...alone.

In elementary school, I asked my friend what key signature she used when playing the flute. She said she didn't know. Wrong answer. I yelled at her in the middle of the store.

In high school, my assistant principal told my mom that I have a way of making people feel stupid. I don't even try to, and I don't mean to, but the words I say and the way I say it suggest that I feel I am superior to them. And that I feel I'm right.

I can't say that I never feel that way.

But I have tried over the years to soften my words, to be more clear about the intent of what I say. But sometimes, that preschool brat creeps out. And I end up hurting friends, family, and losing relationships.

Sometimes I wonder if the apostle Paul struggled with this. I mean, he was a high ranking Pharisee (aka Jewish religious official with a stereotype of always being right and arrogant) for the beginning years of his life. I've heard several people say how arrogant Paul sounds in some of his letters. They don't doubt the truth of his words, but the words are phrased harshly, occasionally somewhat in a superior tone. Maybe that tone is remnant of his Pharisitic days. Forgive me for not giving you specific examples. I suppose those are up to interpretation, anyways.

People are constantly growing, and with prayer for the Holy Spirit, constantly being renewed as people. The Bible gives us plenty of verses to back this up:

Psalm 51:10
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

2 Corinthians 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

Colossians 3:9-10
Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

So, we are constantly being renewed, which means that the old self can rear its ugly head. But the power of the Holy Spirit suggests that this appearance of the old self appears less frequently, or at least is less victorious. And when, oh when, will this new self take complete reign? When we are finally in the full presence of Christ in Heaven.

But one thing is worth saying: this renewal is based solely of the work of the Holy Spirit, but that should also be evident in our personal will to make God honoring choices. I like what John Adams says to his daughter in the HBO TV series "John Adams": Be good, do good. Easy words, but hard to live by.

And how do we actively seek this renewal? Repentance, both of the action and the source of the action. Prayer for an action and a heart change. I guess the rest is up to God.

But God is like Allstate: we're in good hands :)

Musings in a time of peace

*sigh*

That's the first breath I've been able to have in a while.

I'm back in Pittsburgh, taking a break from the chaotic planning and working and just never ending business of life. Okay, if I'm completely honest it hasn't exactly stopped. But it has given me a lot of time to just think instead of constantly do.

I've been thinking about what is most important in life. We are constantly bombarded with "needs" and "must haves" that really are stupid. For instance, I got a letter from Phi Beta Kappa saying that if I contribute to their organization, I'd get a LIMITED EDITION letter opener that "I'll be sure to use with pride."

I don't know about you, but I don't need higher self-esteem when opening letters, especially when it's founded in a piece of brass.

So what is important, or at least has creeped across my mind so far?

Family.

Right now I'm watching Mrs. Doubtfire. The movie before it was Cheaper by the Dozen. Right before that my dad and I got to talking about taxes, life, disappointments, poetry, my pursuits and dreams...soon we'll be going to have Easter dinner with my mom's side. Yesterday we had a bridal shower, and I was reminded about the 23 year progression of "the three cousins" from diaper-babies to now a wedding and full-time employment.

My family keeps me humble. My family keeps me grounded. I come home and still have to put away the dishes. I'm asked to sing and entertain, but then clean up my room. They remind me that I'm not an island, and that I'm not a loner, and that my actions do impact other people.

So is the family of Christ. My pastor reminded us this Easter that we're called to follow Jesus, not just believe, but we're not to do it alone. Small groups, hospitality groups, support groups, they're all....groups! The disciples were told to wait TOGETHER in Jerusalem for the Holy Spirit. The apostles were sent out often in pairs for ministry. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit show the community, compatibility, and necessity of family: they cannot be separated, and all have their specific purpose.

I think my greatest desire is to belong to a person, a group, an organization where I am needed, wanted, but challenged, stimulated, where what I have to offer is appreciated, and what others offer is cherished. Where who I am is appreciated and enjoyed, and where I can appreciate and enjoy others' gifts.

No competition, no intimidation, no bitterness...well, at least to the degree where relationships are paralyzed.